One Phrase Story

[Coatsy]

As an escape from the insanity of constant debate, may I present a lighthearted solution: the one phrase story. The rules are so simple that I imagine the majority of you will have encountered it in one form or another before: we build a story one phrase (or clause) at a time until we have something intelligible. Whether or not it becomes obscene is up to you, but they do have a tendency to become rather silly rather fast.

I shall start:

Once upon a time there was a/an

[Philboid Studge]

... cat stuck in a box. Her diabolical owner had locked her inside, with nothing but a ...

[Tenspace]

... Bible and a stack of Feynman's lectures. Many times, she tried to ...

[Interested Atheist]

...use them for carnal pleasure, realising they were useless for all other purposes, but sadly...

[James]

she was a recovering leper and her fingers were all but useless in manipulating herself to heights of ecstasy. However,...

[Tenspace]

... she quickly snapped out of her dream state and realized that cats have no fingers. Then, out of the corner of her feline ocular structure she saw ...

[James]

that she was indeed human, and that it was she who had been so encaged by her own pet pussy. She reached under her chair for...

[calpurnpiso]

but then she realize it was not a pussy at all, but an athropiated incomplete penis, where the scrotum had no closed but

[The Judge]

that didn't stop her for reaching for it anway. After careful examination of this strange organ, a bemused expression spread across her countenance. She thought...

[postbicameral]

,"Did I turn the hot water off?", recalling that she had spent the night in a hot tub with Ann Coulter and

[The Judge]

her hands. The night of passionate bath sex however was simply a ruse to lure the shemale Coulter to her lair where an untimely and excruciating death awaited her...

[Evil_Mage_Ra]

....but unfortunately, when she checked on Ms. Coulter's cage..........she was gone!

[snap crafter]

Upon searching the area she found several blood stains upon the furniture, and knowing that Coulter was in heat...

[Mayor Shifty McSleaze]

...in fact the most dreadful death imaginable, death by exposure to Pat Robertsons acid radioactive ass/mouth drool! (in the case of the alien species Pat belongs to, the ass and the mouth share the same orifice) However, being of the same species as Pat, Coulter quickly...

[postbicameral]

...pulled a tomahawk missile from her cavernous, artificially created transexual poon-tang. While she fished around for the launcher, Pat had the idea to...

[snap crafter]

...Prayed to his space-god-diety to close her trap so no man may have to feel it's deadly sting again. Instantly Coutler's snatch snapped shut resulting in...

[Mayor Shifty McSleaze]

...reach into his ass/mouth (which also was handy for carrying nuts and other useful items) and pull out an amazing 20 inch...

[Tenspace]

... Rush Limbaugh. She whispered something into the tiny Limbaugh's ear, and his eyes grew red with fury. She bent over and set him gently on the ground, but he leaped, and...

[The Judge]

plodded to the toilet. What the beast Coulter had told him had stirred him into action and he needed sustinence to do the lawds work. You see, Rush Libaugh was a scat muncher so off he went in search of food. Suddenly...

*tips hat to the late great Bill Hicks*

[SuX0rZ]

slip one in before Coulter could realise. Yet Coulter didnt have an anus she had an/a...

[Sternwallow]

anteater, against which no mere ass can compete unless it is deeply...

[The Judge]

religious. That's right a deeply religious ass is the only thing an anteater can compete with. Coulter had learned of this when she...

[SuX0rZ]

place a geranium(flower spelling?) up her urethra and the only thing that could remove it without injury was a/an...

[Professor Chaos]

unused set of rosary beads dipped in vegetable oil. She obtained the beads from...

[CavKiller37]

...a catholic priest who had coated them in vegetable oil so they would slide more easily in and out of ...

[4thgeneration]

Bill O'Reilly's ass. The priest had been having a torrid affair with O'Reilly (sharing many a loufa and shower) since before....

[anotherTim]

Sister Mary Malones untimely death due to crucifixal uterene puncture during the annual St. Anthony of 5 Bloody Wounds festival in downtown Canoga Park

[CavKiller37]

...where the priest had bought PCP from Jeb Bush's junkie daughter and had an angel dust addled orgy with...

[James]

Princess Diana's fetid corpse, resulting...

[calpurnpiso]

..in her resurrection, since he had summoned Matthew, that blessed author of the Night of the Living Ancient Dead, but before Diana remains begun assembling again...

[Professor Chaos]

EDIT: Removed, posted at same time as anothertim

[anotherTim]

Tom Cruise rappelled into the cave and swiped Diana's ovaries as an appitizer to go with katies placenta when....

[Interested Atheist]

Diana revived and, realising her terrible loss, attacked Tom and ate his penis. Katie, on hearing of this, instantly...

[Professor Chaos]

...realized that was the first time she'd ever seen Tom's penis in a WOMAN'S mouth...

[4thgeneration]

...As a matter of fact, it was the first time she had ever seen Tom's penis. Contrary to popular belief she was impregnated by.....

[DrunkMonkey]

...Lord Xenu, evil galactic emperor. A few years later the child was born and it turns out that...

[antix]

L Ron himself had been reincarnated, but had fallen out of favor with Lord Xenu and was cursed with...

[Interested Atheist]

the task of reading his own books. Shortly after L Ron's demise due to terminal boredom, Luke Skywalker...

[calpurnpiso]

took his mummified body in the stolen Millenium Falcon along Tom's seemen which remained in Ron's anus after the necrophilia incident, it was then when....

[Interested Atheist]

...all the scientologists listening in said: "...Necrophilia..?" and began to...

[Mayor Shifty McSleaze]

...undress and chant "Necrophilia is the answer! Necrophilia is..." Then they were off to the nearest morgue, where they...

[4thgeneration]

were ambushed by the Mossad who went totally Entebbe Raid on their asses! No scientologists survived the slaughter because everybody knows Jews kick much ass due to their secret......

[Choobus]

...Jew powers, which are largely derived from bagels laced with pcp. It was as a result of this slaughter that certain documents were uncovered which revealed that scientology was actually......

[atotalstranger]

...responsible for the existence of the movie "Battlefield Earth", which is arguably John Travolta's...

[Tenspace]

... best work since Vinnie Barbarino. This led to a highly improbable configuration of the universe where silk shirts opened to the waist and bellbottoms adorned with strategic razor cuts could be used to travel faster than ....

[CavKiller37]

...a snail riding on a turtle's back. In this awful alternate universe Jean-Claude Van Damme has become the goverenor of...

[atotalstranger]

...Delware. Hello, I'm in Delware.

[Tenspace]

... But Jean-Claude had to change his name, because in alternate-universe Delware they never allow the letter "a" to be in the first syllable. So, Jen-Clude Vn Dmme, along with his trusty sidekick, ...

[antix]

Renold Schwrtzneggar. The two of them set out on a quest to politically change the constitution of Delware to put the "a's" back where they belong. Because Renold, in his native language, knew that the letter "a" was actually an ancient incantation of...