Scientology Losing Ground to New Fictionology - The Onion (Satire)

[Tenspace]

Fictionology's central belief, that any imaginary construct can be incorporated into the church's ever-growing set of official doctrines, continues to gain popularity. Believers in Santa Claus, his elves, or the Tooth Fairy are permitted—even encouraged—to view them as deities. Even corporate mascots like the Kool-Aid Man are valid objects of Fictionological worship.

"My personal savior is Batman," said Beverly Hills plastic surgeon Greg Jurgenson. "My wife chooses to follow the teachings of the Gilmore Girls. Of course, we are still beginners. Some advanced-level Fictionologists have total knowledge of every lifetime they have ever lived for the last 80 trillion years."

"Sure, it's total bullshit," Jurgenson added. "But that's Fictionology. Praise Batman!"
This just in! (http://www.theonion.com/news/index.php?issue=4119)

:D

Ten

[Viole]

Wonderful! I love how that book, which the caption says has sold two million copies, claims to have sold eighty million on the cover. Makes more sense than Christianity, really; if you're gonna worship something, why not have fun doing it?

[Tenspace]

That's 80 millino in 5,000 languages, no less. And, the text states that there are 450 billion members, which is, of course an "invented number."

Ten

[natural_smurf]

That's 80 millino in 5,000 languages, no less. And, the text states that there are 450 billion members, which is, of course an "invented number."

Ten
i thought the square root of negative one was the "invented number." -smurf

[Tenspace]

No, that's just the "Imaginary Number", kinda like an imaginary friend who lives in the sky...err.. never mind. :D

Ten

[bobfritzelpuff]

No, that's just the "Imaginary Number", kinda like an imaginary friend who lives in the sky...err.. never mind. :D

Ten
Dude, I've got one of those! He's who I named my screenname after.

I think I'll be a fictionalist, and worship myself- as an amnesic super alien, of course.

[FiberglassDolphin]

"Scientology can only offer data, such as how an Operating Thetan can control matter, energy, space, and time with pure thought alone," McSavage said. "But truly spiritual people don't care about data, especially those seeking an escape from very real physical, mental, or emotional problems."

McSavage added, "As a Fictionologist, I live in a world of pretend. It's liberating."

[Philboid Studge]

Tom Kruise gobbles douche with disturbing gusto and focus. (http://gawker.com/5002269/the-cruise-indoctrination-video-scientology-tried-to-suppress)

[VladTheImpaler]

This just in! (http://www.theonion.com/news/index.php?issue=4119)

:D

Ten


Link error?

This works for me:

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/31006

[nkb]

Link error?

This works for me:

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/31006
It was a link from 2.5 years ago, so there's a chance it doesn't work anymore.