If you love your kids, pay me to beat them

[StillSurviving]

We know that God created suffering so we would be able to understand love. How could you appreciate a good day if you didn't know what it was to have a bad day? You need both the yin and the yang; the good and the bad. I know that every parent out there loves their children, and wants their children to be able to appreciate love. I understand it may be difficult for some parents to create the suffering their children need. Luckily it isn't necessary for you to create this suffering yourself. Instead, you can hire a professional, such as myself! My child beating services are full of hate and cause a great deal of pain and suffering, guaranteed. Emotional pain is a tricky matter, but with your help, I can script insults aimed at all of your child's deepest insecurities. If you love your children like you love jesus, let me do the hating.

1-800-h8-4love
*mention this advertisement and receive a 10% discount.

[Spurius Furius]

We know that God created suffering so we would be able to understand love. How could you appreciate a good day if you didn't know what it was to have a bad day? You need both the yin and the yang; the good and the bad. I know that every parent out there loves their children, and wants their children to be able to appreciate love. I understand it may be difficult for some parents to create the suffering their children need. Luckily it isn't necessary for you to create this suffering yourself. Instead, you can hire a professional, such as myself! My child beating services are full of hate and cause a great deal of pain and suffering, guaranteed. Emotional pain is a tricky matter, but with your help, I can script insults aimed at all of your child's deepest insecurities. If you love your children like you love jesus, let me do the hating.

1-800-h8-4love
*mention this advertisement and receive a 10% discount.
Funny in the abstract, but if you actually laid a hand on one of my kids, I would get medieval on your fucking ass! :)

[thomas]

Maybe not even funny in the abstract. Sounds immoral to me.

[Spurius Furius]

Maybe not even funny in the abstract. Sounds immoral to me.
Loosen your tie, thomas.

[thomas]

You've got to be kidding. This is not funny stuff. Here we are on the internet and some person I don't know is posting that he's a professional child-beater offering his services, and you want to laugh about that ? Just hope that you don't read about this nutter on the front-page of the NYT in a couple of months time. Maybe its just a joke but its an irresponsible joke.

Child abuse just isn't funny. At all. Period. If I was a mod I'd take down this thread or ask StillSurvivng to modify it or remove it.

[Eva]

sorry, still.........priests are in that same line of business already.....

find something else to do, k?

[Another brick in the wall]

Anything is fair game for humor if you ask me. Even a joke about cancer or the Holocaust can be funny if you tell it right. Often the most serious topics make for the best jokes.

[Just Add Fire]

i understand where youre coming from thomas but seriously...it was a joke...maybe bad taste...i wouldnt know what your standards are...however the fact remains...IT WAS A JOKE

[Coldbourne]

I though it was funny as hell. :lol:
And along those lines, the great thinker of our age Maddox has some insight on this topic... Love your kids? (http://maddox.xmission.com/beat.html)

[Choobus]

Maybe not even funny in the abstract. Sounds immoral to me.
Loosen your tie, thomas.
Damn right. Thomas, shut the fuck up, when you have something to say about catholic priests buggering kids, then you can diss out frivolous jokes. Till then, pray. (and shut it)

ps, those dudes were right, you are a wankaaaahhh

[Philboid Studge]

In which "suffer the little children" uses a transitive verb.

Oh, and by the way, "... whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea."

Massachusetts Bay is going to be littered with the bloated corpses of priests.

[StillSurviving]

I wasn't making fun of child abuse, I was making fun of christians. Christians have a difficult time with the problem of suffering, and some christian's views are as ridiculous as my post, or more. If god is the ideal parent, then we should treat our kids how god treats us, and since he must have reasons to make us suffer sometimes, we should make our children suffer for those same reasons. My post is just what happens when you apply logic to christian views... you see how ridiculous they are.

BTW, I love kids, and get along with them very well.

[Rhinoqulous]

Child abuse just isn't funny. At all. Period.
That's right, child abuse isn't funny. While we all may want to nock those annoying little snot-nosed brats around once in awhile, it would be wrong. The best way to prevent the horrors of child abuse is simple, abortion. Just remember, abortion stops a beaten child.

Brought to You by the American Council for The Snuffing of Children Before They Can Get the Crap Beat Out of Them (ACSNCBTCGCBOT).

[StillSurviving]

I have expanded my business, so come on and give us a call:
Better Reasoning and Understanding Through Excessive Suffering

Use the new number: 1-800-4BRUTES

[The Judge]

I wasn't making fun of child abuse, I was making fun of christians.
This might prove interesting if quite horrific. Unfortunately there seem to be no references to back up the long list of stories, but it still makes for disturbing reading...

http://www.davidicke.net/religiousfrauds/christianity/christianpedofile.html

[thomas]

I'm at least as revolted and disgusted by cases of Christians involved in child abuse, sexual or otherwise, as I am by StillSurviving and his bad-taste jokes about the topic. The fact that Christians do bad things doesn't excuse lax attitudes to child abuse elsewhere in my opinion.

[Viole]

I can't say I find the joke particularly amusing, but Thomas' response is pretty funny.

[StillSurviving]

I'm at least as revolted and disgusted by cases of Christians involved in child abuse, sexual or otherwise, as I am by StillSurviving and his bad-taste jokes about the topic. The fact that Christians do bad things doesn't excuse lax attitudes to child abuse elsewhere in my opinion.
Do you have no sense of humor because you are a christian, or are you a christian because you have no sense of humor? Perhaps your display of exaggerated disgust over a joke is meant to throw us off the track of a closet child molester. Either that or you or someone near and dear to you was abused, and you can't get over it. If you could just make it past your issues, you could see the humor in my jokes. Oh well, at any rare, this freedom of expression thing rules.. it rules! <Beavis voice> Why do you come here and read my disgusting jokes when you can go to church and let a child molester put something in your mouth? (I guess that only applies to denominations that take eucharist, and the people who walk up and open their mouths instead of putting out their hands... but it happens.)

[thomas]

Umm, maybe you should read what I wrote one more time, and then see if you can manage to get your (subjective, non-absolute) moral outrage meter up to the same level again. I think you inverted my meaning in order to make your point.

How about struggling to find in yourself a retraction about my character ? It seems like I'm the only one around here who does find child abuse really offensive, as opposed to just a rhetorical device to be used to further your own cause.

[thomas]

Do you have no sense of humor because you are a christian, or are you a christian because you have no sense of humor? Perhaps your display of exaggerated disgust over a joke is meant to throw us off the track of a closet child molester. Either that or you or someone near and dear to you was abused, and you can't get over it. If you could just make it past your issues, you could see the humor in my jokes. Oh well, at any rare, this freedom of expression thing rules.. it rules! <Beavis voice> Why do you come here and read my disgusting jokes when you can go to church and let a child molester put something in your mouth? (I guess that only applies to denominations that take eucharist, and the people who walk up and open their mouths instead of putting out their hands... but it happens.)
I have a sense of humour, it just has some limits, and you beyond them with your post. You do have freedom to post what you like and maybe you should think about what responsibilities come with that freedom.

Anyway, I can see that I'm not going to get anywhere with this. So, I'll drop it now.

[StillSurviving]

Inversions aside, St. Teabag makes a good point. If you are anywhere close to being as outraged by a joke you think is about child abuse as you are about actual child abuse, you have issues.

[thomas]

OK, OK let me clarify, to keep you all happy. I am MUCH MORE outraged by actual child-abuse than I am by potential jokes about child abuse. Do I have my outrage level in the right place now ?

[Philboid Studge]

If thomas is willing to concede that he's MUCH MORE outraged by actual child abuse than potential jokes thereof, I'm willing to concede that he's a stand-up guy and a real credit to the organization.

[StillSurviving]

I am glad you respond with moral outrage and disgust to the idea of child abuse. However, that isn't very christian of you. Everyone sins, and people deserve their suffering because a chick named eve got a guy named adam to eat some fruit. We are all god's children, and god is the ultimate parent, which is why I plan to act at least as bad as he does in your book. I wouldn't want to upstage the big man in the clouds... he might get pissed.

That's more sarcasm. I actually intend to be much nicer to my children, and people in general than the god in your book, thomas.

[thomas]

No problem. I share your massive concern and outrage over the action of the institutions and people involved in covering up that stuff. It makes it hard to even attempt to give them the benefit of the doubt on a bunch of other issues. My only request to you would be that you don't judge all Christians and especially Christianity itself solely based on those actions.

[Firesolved]

Hey...David Koresh said the same thing (refering to the name of the thread)...well, he also said hed have sex with them aftterwards...just to show he loved em...