Lamest "proofs" of God? post them here

[baric]

OK, I was looking for examples online of "scientific proofs" and found that term is used widely by religious people looking to prove god. While doing the search, I stumbled across the lamest attempt to "prove" that god exists that I have seen made in seriousness by a theist.

If you stumble across any more, post them here. The more unique, the better.

Here's the one I saw at:
http://www.lovegod.ws/sys-tmpl/hobbiesinterests/

THE LAW OF OPPOSITES
It is observable that everything we know of has an opposite. Where there is black, there is white. Where there is dry. there is wet. Where there is up, there is down. Where there is land, there is sea. Where there is night, there is day. Where there is atmosphere, there is no atmosphere (outer space.) Where there is wrong, there is right, etc. Therefore, when we can see no evidence of God, in the "Law of Opposities," there must be a God! A fish in the ocean doesn't see the sky, but there is one
Let me restate: "Therefore, when we can see no evidence of God, ... there must be a God!"

Hilarious.

[GaryM]

OK... so... lack of evidence of something equals proof of its existence? Well I don't have any evidence that The Invisible Pink Unicorn exists, so "scientifically" ;) that proves that she exists. Logically then, people who believe in the "Law of Opposites" must belive in everything that there isn't evidence of - talking bananas, etc.

That "opposites" argument however does remind me of Socrates' argument for reincarnation - that since every natural process has a reverse (heating, cooling, growing, shrinking) there must be an opposite for dying, e.g. undying.

[Lundie]

So according to this logic,

If there is evidence that I exist, I do not?

Wicked!

[Firesolved]

These are questions from a site that Ill answer the best I can...

1. Does God exist? Throughout history, in all cultures of the world, people have been convinced there is a God.
They ignored the fact that people all over the world have also been convinces that there are many gods or no god(s). Additionally, people who believe in the one "god" today had ancestors way back in the day who believed in many gods or no god(s). Doesnt make sense.
2. Does God exist? The complexity of our planet points to a deliberate Designer who not only created our universe, but sustains it today.
Ooooor, it could be some complex science we dont know about. It could be a lot of things. to ignore the thousands, no millions, of other possibilities is stupid as hell.
3. Does God exist? Mere "chance" is not an adequate explanation of creation.
Once again, there are many "answers" to our creation. And, once again, the fact that youre ignoring all the other possibilities makes you look like a complete idiot.
4. Does God exist? Humankind's inherent sense of right and wrong cannot be biologically explained.
Gah. So stupid. We have a sense of right or wrong is because were selfish. We dont want someone stealing from us because it makes life harder for us. We would like for someone to give us shit because it makes or life easier. Its all about us. If I stabbed you and it helped you out in some way,. youd wanna be stabbed more often. As it is, stabbing is painful and most of us do not want that.
5. Does God exist? God not only has revealed Himself in what can be observed in nature, and in human life, but He has even more specifically shown Himself in the Bible.
Yeh, but thats only important if you believe in the bible. And where else but the bible has god been revealed?
6. Does God exist? Unlike any other revelation of God, Jesus Christ is the clearest, most specific picture of God.
Once again, only if you believe. There is no indication jesus in any other history that is not christian or jewish (the muslims only say that jesus was real but they do not 1)have it in historical documents and 2)believe hes the messiah in the first place...and neither do the jews...) history. And really the history of these religions isnt so much history as it is doctrine.

http://www.everystudent.com/features/isthere.html
^thats where the whole article is...I only wrote the questions and replied to em. Feel free to do the same...these have to be some of the most flawed "reasons" of gods existence. Half of em are believeable only if youre christian in the first place.

[Philboid Studge]

"Therefore, when we can see no evidence of Screaming Blue Ants (http://www.carm.org/cut/atheism.htm), ... "

That same deep thinker also poses this irrefutable refutation of atheism: "If you say that atheism is simply lack of belief in a god, then my cat is an atheist the same as the tree outside and the sidewalk out front, since they also lack faith. Therefore, your definition is insufficient. "

[GaryM]

Does that mean that cats, trees and sidewalks will go to Hell?

[Philboid Studge]

Technically, my cat is an agnostic. (The tree outside is a Druid.)

[GaryM]

If a cat "lacks faith" and is therefore a de facto atheist, what about a believer who suffers enough brain damage to leave them alive but with sub-feline levels of brain activity? Are they now an atheist too? Or does faith not require a lot of brain activity? (Insert your own Bush joke here)

[devil almighty]

I have just checked my bank statement snd theres no evidence of money, therefore im rich, if only i had faith i could persuade my bank manager!

[Sir Sin-O-Lot]

Here are some of my favourite satirical 'proofs'. http://www.godlessgeeks.com/LINKS/GodProof.htm

ARGUMENT FROM MIRACLES
(1) My aunt had cancer.
(2) The doctors gave her all these horrible treatments.
(3) My aunt prayed to God and now she doesn't have cancer.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

MORAL ARGUMENT (I)
(1) Person X, a well-known Atheist, was morally inferior to the rest of us.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM CREATION
(1) If evolution is false, then creationism is true, and therefore God exists.
(2) Evolution can't be true, since I lack the mental capacity to understand it; moreover, to accept its truth would cause me to be uncomfortable
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM UNINTELLIGENCE
(1) Okay, I don't pretend to be as intelligent as you guys -- you're obviously very well read. But I read the Bible, and nothing you say can convince me that God does not exist. I feel him in my heart, and you can feel him too, if you'll just ask him into your life. "For God so loved the world that he sent his only begotten son into the world, that whosoever believes in him shall not perish from the earth." John 3:16.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM BLINDNESS (II)
(1) God is love.
(2) Love is blind.
(3) Stevie Wonder is blind.
(4) Therefore, Stevie Wonder is God.
(5) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM ARGUMENTATION
(1) God exists.
(2) [Atheist's counterargument]
(3) Yes he does.
(4) [Atheist's counterargument]
(5) Yes he does!
(6) [Atheist's counterargument]
(7) YES HE DOES!!!
(8) [Atheist gives up and goes home]
(9) Therefore, God exists.

[Rhinoqulous]

I've posted this elsewhere, but I think it's funny, so I'll post it again.

1- The creation of the universe is the most marvelous achievement imaginable.
2- The merit of an achievement is the product of (a) its intrinsic quality, and (b) the ability of its creator.
3- The greater the disability or handicap of the creator, the more impressive the achievement.
4- The most formidable handicap for a creator would be non-existence.
5- Therefore, if we suppose that the universe is the product of an existent creator, we can conceive a greater being — namely, one who created everything while not existing.
6- An existing God, therefore, would not be a being than which a greater cannot be conceived, because an even more formidable and incredible creator would be a God which did not exist.
7- (Hence) God does not exist.

:P

Rhinoq

[Rhinoqulous]

Yeah, I was told this while studying Anselm. So using Anselm's "proof", you can either prove Poppa G exists or doesn't exist, all based on your initial axioms. Pretty useless when you think about it. :)

Rhinoq

[Philboid Studge]

That reminds me of the Zen Buddhist credo (via Carl Sagan, I think): "My God is so powerful He need not exist."

[fortytwo]

Here are some of my favourite satirical. http://www.godlessgeeks.com/LINKS/GodProof.htm
Aw, man - you beat me to it! I was going to post that. :(

I'll post this instead: the "Official God FAQ!"

http://www.400monkeys.com/God/

[StillSurviving]

I have already posted the most convincing argument for god on this site:

Human females have breasts even when they aren't pregnant or nursing. Where else do you see this in the animal kingdom? Obviously god exists, and human males are his favorite creation.

[Lundie]

I have already posted the most convincing argument for god on this site:

Human females have breasts even when they aren't pregnant or nursing. Where else do you see this in the animal kingdom? Obviously god exists, and human males are his favorite creation.
you're almost right. Human males are his most hated creation, and as punishment for some ancient transgression they are condemned to live in a world with breasts everywhere that cannot be touched.
:lol: good one!

[ghoulslime]

You guys got me reading some loony Christian apologetic sites until my faith in my fellow humans has reached an all-time low. Jesus Penis-Enlarging Christ! People are really fucking stupid! It amazes me how illogical the majority of human minds seem to be.

I am reminded of a discussion with two of my programming teachers years back. One of them was from India, the other from Saudi Arabia. We were all Atheists. The professor from India declared emphatically that no logical person can be a theist. The Saudi stated that theists are either fools or cowards. I had the luxury of considering the two positions, and submitted for their consideration that theists are fools, cowards, or liars. This was our mutual conclusion.

The theist websites seem to be growing increasingly self-deluding and defensive. I wonder what effect the growing scientific evidence against their theological fallacies is having on their blind faith. It used to be they just thumped their bibles with confidence. Now they seem to be waging a battle against an enlightened future that will certainly undermine the tenets of their dogmatic doctrines.

Damn these bastards! Imagine if all the energy they wasted on imaginary friends in the sky was directed towards a productive goal! The human race might have a chance.

[Evil_Mage_Ra]

This isn't a proof of God so much as an attack on evolution, but since so many fundamentalists see the two as going hand-in-hand, here goes:

I saw a creationist article online (don't remember the URL--sorry), where they say that the finding that we're 98% genetically related to monkeys is false. The latest research shows that we're more like 95% related to monkeys.

[God, my arse]

I despise the arguement religious persons put forth to me most commonly, " You can't see the wind yet it exists and the same applies to God" it is unbelievably moronic. no1. you can feel the wind literally, you can see the effects of the wind, erosion etc. and you can 'see' the wind with an electron microscope.

[God, my arse]

This isn't a proof of God so much as an attack on evolution, but since so many fundamentalists see the two as going hand-in-hand, here goes:

I saw a creationist article online (don't remember the URL--sorry), where they say that the finding that we're 98% genetically related to monkeys is false. The latest research shows that we're more like 95% related to monkeys.
the 98% is specific to chimpanzees only

[Evil_Mage_Ra]

Yeah, that's what I meant. Thanks. In any case, 95% is still a LOT.

[peepnklown]

“the god of the gaps” is pretty humorous.