Dysfunctional Relationship With A Buddhist

[ghoulslime]

There’s trouble at the Ghoulslime household. It seems my girlfriend saw an opportunity with Ghoulslime’s aversion to Christians, and made the big push to convert me to Buddhism. She is a drama queen to begin with – REALLY high maintenance emotional black hole this one. I try to keep the conversation with her limited to things like her clothes and hair, stuff that keeps her double Ds in my mouth and my phallus in hers. Occasional we have had brief exchanges over her religion, but nothing serious.

Yesterday, she brought some Buddhist friends over. I didn’t suspect a damn thing until they all started to make the move on poor little Ghoulslime. I did my best to politely explain that being Atheist does not necessarily make me a willing recipient of other dogmas which do not involve gods. I try to be a rational thinker. I consider myself first and foremost a secular humanist. That I do not believe in a god makes me an Atheist, but the lack of a belief in gods is not the master of my thoughts.

The other Buddhists politely abided my mocking grin when they started talking about some Buddhist leader being the reincarnation of some other leader hundreds of years ago – and other such ridiculous superstitious nonsense. However, the drama queen didn’t take the rejection very well. After her friends left, she gave me her best melodrama. I tried to listen patiently, but the yackity yackity yack started to stretch into hours.

The religious differences where gradually brushed aside as she started digging into her mental catalog of all the things Ghoulslime wasn’t doing right. I am not very capable when it comes to dealing with the idiosyncrasies of the female mind, but I thought I knew enough to just let the drama queen’s monologue play itself out. Apparently, she interpreted my lack of debate as a sign of disinterest, and it seemed to fuel the fire. She became absurdly angry and started throwing drinking glasses at the wall. All the while, Ghoulslime just sat watching the show, thinking, “What a fucking nut job!”

She stormed out of the house, then shows up at 5:30 in the morning banging on the door, demanding to discuss our differences some more. I just said wearily, I think I’ve heard enough already.” Now she is sleeping out in the garage on a sofa. And Ghoulslime is trying to decide how the hell to drop this hot potato.

Thank you, Buddha!

:o

I think I am going to turn gay, or maybe start molesting animals or something. No more fulltime girlfriends for Ghoulslime!

[Philboid Studge]

Our saga begins with Ghoulslime keeping the conversation with his girlfriend "limited to things like her clothes and hair, stuff that keeps her double Ds in my mouth and my phallus in hers," and ends with said girlfriend, inexplicably, sleeping in the garage. Call me crazy, but I don't think Buddhism is necessarily the problem here.

[HMS Beagle]

ghoulslime wrote:
I am not very capable when it comes to dealing with the idiosyncrasies of the female mind
You force me to say the boring: perhaps you'd have more success if you raised your expectations of women. Double-D breasts seem to matter more to you than triple-digit IQs.


No more fulltime girlfriends for Ghoulslime!
That is another solution, of course, and a welcome one after your mysogynistic posting. On behalf of all women, thank you.

[ghoulslime]

ghoulslime wrote:
I am not very capable when it comes to dealing with the idiosyncrasies of the female mind
You force me to say the boring: perhaps you'd have more success if you raised your expectations of women. Double-D breasts seem to matter more to you than triple-digit IQs.


No more fulltime girlfriends for Ghoulslime!
That is another solution, of course, and a welcome one after your mysogynistic posting. On behalf of all women, thank you.
Sorry, to dis all women in general - the frustrated ramblings of a tired mind I suppose. The irony to all of this is that I just got off the phone with a good friend of 30 years - female, intelligent, funny, witty, understanding. Her advice to me was basically what you have pointed out. What should I expect from a titty woman? I should have know better than to bring her home - friends for the home, titty women for the hotel, it is a good rule of thumb.

Again, HMS Beagle, I beg your forgiveness.

[Evil_Mage_Ra]

This is the first time I've ever heard of Buddists evangelizing, much less getting hella pissed and smashing drinking glasses. I thought they were supposed to be a peaceful religion!

As for me, none of my Buddhist friends so much as mention their religion unless I ask about it.

[ghoulslime]

Our saga begins with Ghoulslime keeping the conversation with his girlfriend "limited to things like her clothes and hair, stuff that keeps her double Ds in my mouth and my phallus in hers," and ends with said girlfriend, inexplicably, sleeping in the garage. Call me crazy, but I don't think Buddhism is necessarily the problem here.
Fer sure. Buddhism was just the straw that broke the camel's boner. This one is a wild cat. A total lunatic. But she is an animal in bed too. I thought the one might compensate for the other. Boy, was I wrong.

[ghoulslime]

This is the first time I've ever heard of Buddists evangelizing, much less getting hella pissed and smashing drinking glasses. I thought they were supposed to be a peaceful religion!

As for me, none of my Buddhist friends so much as mention their religion unless I ask about it.
I don't think this one is representative of Buddhists in general. She is a wack job in any capacity. Actually, her friends were quite gentle, though deluded. I just find it amusing that people expect me to accept one dogma just because I refuse another. Ah, well.

Sorry for doing my dirty laundry online. This lady has me at my wit's end.

I have two friends (female) coming over in a few minutes to help her pack to leave. Thank you, Jesus!

I'm being really cautious about kicking her to the curb, as she is the kind of person who wouldn't hesitate to call the police and give them a bullshit story just to cause me grief. Her former boyfriend warned me about this tendancy.

Hey, this is an online drama unfolding! Remember O.J.'s famous ride down the highway! My assistants just pulled up! Whew Hoo! It's confrontation time!

[HMS Beagle]

What should I expect from a titty woman?
Again, HMS Beagle, I beg your forgiveness.
Apology accepted. And bear in mind that titty and witty aren't mutually exclusive.

Late add: It wasn't dirty laundry. It was a cry for help (your "Thank you Jesus!" was the heart-wrenching give-away), and help is on the way in the form of suitcases. I hope you avoid O.J.'s courtroom circus, especially now that Johnny Cochrane has kicked.

[Rhinoqulous]

Rhinoqulous feels you pain, Ghoulslime. The Rhinoq has had his share of nutcase religious girlfriends. Never date a Wiccan. They are bat shit insane.

[ghoulslime]

Jesus Suitcase-Packing Christ! 12:30 at night and we finally got her out of here! Oh, my non-existent god! That was truly ugly. George Bush needs to send that chick to Iraq. That would teach those terrorists! I cannot begin to articulate how terrible this scene was. Suffice it to say it helps having good friends. Silvia and Heidi saved Ghoulslime's ass. This has been a very long day.

I am thankful I have a few good friends...really...really...thankful.

Ghoulslime to bed!:(

[whoneedscience]

Sounds like you're having a great week, my green friend. I hope I don't see you on the 5 o'clock news tomorrow.:D

And I agree about the whole double D business. You also have to consider shape and especially perkiness. Plus, if they don't fit with the hips, it can cause some problems. [/sarcasm]

[ghoulslime]

Jesus Penis-Wrinkling Christ! What a shitty weekend! I should have gone to church.

Ghoulslime's shriveled black heart is totally broken. I'm going to Tijuana tomorrow.

[Kate]

"I think I am going to turn gay, or maybe start molesting animals or something."

Oh, no, Ghoulslime! NOT the BUNNY!!!! ACK!!

And don't send that whackjob to Iraq. They have exceeded their quota.

[God, my arse]

There’s trouble at the Ghoulslime household. It seems my girlfriend saw an opportunity with Ghoulslime’s aversion to Christians, and made the big push to convert me to Buddhism. She is a drama queen to begin with – REALLY high maintenance emotional black hole this one. I try to keep the conversation with her limited to things like her clothes and hair, stuff that keeps her double Ds in my mouth and my phallus in hers. Occasional we have had brief exchanges over her religion, but nothing serious.

Yesterday, she brought some Buddhist friends over. I didn’t suspect a damn thing until they all started to make the move on poor little Ghoulslime. I did my best to politely explain that being Atheist does not necessarily make me a willing recipient of other dogmas which do not involve gods. I try to be a rational thinker. I consider myself first and foremost a secular humanist. That I do not believe in a god makes me an Atheist, but the lack of a belief in gods is not the master of my thoughts.

The other Buddhists politely abided my mocking grin when they started talking about some Buddhist leader being the reincarnation of some other leader hundreds of years ago – and other such ridiculous superstitious nonsense. However, the drama queen didn’t take the rejection very well. After her friends left, she gave me her best melodrama. I tried to listen patiently, but the yackity yackity yack started to stretch into hours.

The religious differences where gradually brushed aside as she started digging into her mental catalog of all the things Ghoulslime wasn’t doing right. I am not very capable when it comes to dealing with the idiosyncrasies of the female mind, but I thought I knew enough to just let the drama queen’s monologue play itself out. Apparently, she interpreted my lack of debate as a sign of disinterest, and it seemed to fuel the fire. She became absurdly angry and started throwing drinking glasses at the wall. All the while, Ghoulslime just sat watching the show, thinking, “What a fucking nut job!”

She stormed out of the house, then shows up at 5:30 in the morning banging on the door, demanding to discuss our differences some more. I just said wearily, I think I’ve heard enough already.” Now she is sleeping out in the garage on a sofa. And Ghoulslime is trying to decide how the hell to drop this hot potato.

Thank you, Buddha!

:o

I think I am going to turn gay, or maybe start molesting animals or something. No more fulltime girlfriends for Ghoulslime!
Perhaps you should be telling a psychiatrist this.
P.S. the reference to yourself in third person is rather disturbing.

[ghoulslime]

Perhaps you should be telling a psychiatrist this.
P.S. the reference to yourself in third person is rather disturbing.
This is your professional opinion? Perhaps I should just tell you to suck my throbbing cock.

Ghoulslime refers to himself as he pleases. The third-person is meant for comic effect. If it disturbs, you then perhaps you should just suck my throbbing cock.

Have a nice day, mate. And suck my throbbing cock.

:cool:

[God, my arse]

Perhaps you should be telling a psychiatrist this.
P.S. the reference to yourself in third person is rather disturbing.
This is your professional opinion? Perhaps I should just tell you to suck my throbbing cock.

Ghoulslime refers to himself as he pleases. The third-person is meant for comic effect. If it disturbs, you then perhaps you should just suck my throbbing cock.

Have a nice day, mate. And suck my throbbing cock.

:cool:
LMAO, yes well if I were a psychiatrist I would also diagnose an inferiority complex, because you also seemed to like mentioning your "cock"

[Tenspace]

Freud would have a field day with this thread. :)

Ten

[God, my arse]

yup

[Eva]

i feel like i'm in Deadwood.

[ghoulslime]

Ghoulslime's pain is over! A really cute Chinese chick I know heard about the big breakup and just called me! Whew hoo! Date tomorrow!

What was that old girlfriend's name?

Ghoulslime wastes no time moving on.

:D

Hey, you bastards were busy disin' me while I was on the phone!?

[ghoulslime]

Perhaps you should be telling a psychiatrist this.
P.S. the reference to yourself in third person is rather disturbing.
This is your professional opinion? Perhaps I should just tell you to suck my throbbing cock.

Ghoulslime refers to himself as he pleases. The third-person is meant for comic effect. If it disturbs, you then perhaps you should just suck my throbbing cock.

Have a nice day, mate. And suck my throbbing cock.

:cool:
LMAO, yes well if I were a psychiatrist I would also diagnose an inferiority complex, because you also seemed to like mentioning your "cock"
Inferiority complex? That's the first time I've ever been accused of that. Pompous, loudmouthed, arrogant asshole maybe…inferiority complex? You’ve got to be fucking kidding!

These inaccurate assessments of my character wouldn’t be coming out of your mouth if my throbbing cock was in it like it should be.

P.S. Suck my throbbing cock. How would you say that in Australian English?

ANSWER: You wouldn't say it because you would be too busy sucking my throbbing cock.

Ahahahahahahahahahahha! :lol:

[ghoulslime]

Freud would have a field day with this thread. :)

Ten
What do you think Freud would say about God, my arse sucking my throbbing cock? :lol:

[whoneedscience]

probably something about "God, my arse" having homosexual tendencies, neurotic obsessions and a secret desire to be ass-raped by God.

Ghoulslime he would probably go get drunk with and try to have a three-way with his new Chinese friend.

[ghoulslime]

probably something about "God, my arse" having homosexual tendencies, neurotic obsessions and a secret desire to be ass-raped by God.

Ghoulslime he would probably go get drunk with and try to have a three-way with his new Chinese friend.
Sorry to digress from this very entertaining throbbing cock business, but you reminded me of an anecdote. (That’s anecdote, God, My Arse, not antidote – you don’t need an antidote. Just swallow. You’ll be alright. It’s not poison.)

When I was in the Air Force, years ago, there was this skinny, gay, black, guy named Ramsey. He was a very effeminate, very animated kind of guy, always talking about Jesus. He would suddenly throw his eyes heavenward and sing out in a very excellent soprano, “Ahhhh, Praise Jesus.” It was so weird that we didn’t even bother to tell him to shut up. It was really entertaining – a totally loveable nutty guy.

Once in a while, we would make cracks about his kooky religious inclinations - and he would hold his hands out at us like a wizard ready to blast us with a spell, and evoke in his soprano voice, “I rebuke you in the name of Jesus!”

One night, he and I ended up on some lame-ass duty guarding Frankfurt International Airport. (When we were bombing Libya back in the early 80’s) It was really boring, and we had jack shit in common to talk about. We were looking up at the stars, and he started to talk about Jesus.

I can’t relate the whole dialogue verbatim without using many pages, but in short, he spoke about his love for Jesus – and about how he wished he were a woman so that he could be a nun and marry Jesus. I just listened politely, ‘cause this was some really good shit coming out of his mouth. He said the savior’s love is so sublime and so on…and then he said, “I wish he could love me like one man to another, in a worldly fashion, so that I could know his flesh and be one with my god.”

It was a combination of shock and the desire to hear more that kept me from falling on my ass in laughter.

I asked him really incredulously, “You mean you’d like to have sex with Jesus?”

My question sort of shook him out of his fantasy, because in those days Gays were frowned upon in the US Military, and what he was saying was overtly gay. He sort of changed his tone to be a bit more defensive, but I think he sensed I wasn’t going to say anything to anybody.

He said, “I would do as my lord commanded me, and if that means pleasing him in a sexual manner then I don’t see anything inappropriate with that.”

And I never said a goddamn word about it to anyone until we all got out of the Air Force.

I swear this account to be true, on my testicles, in the name of the Father, The Son, and the Holy Ghost, AAAAAAAMEN

[Evil_Mage_Ra]

probably something about "God, my arse" having homosexual tendencies, neurotic obsessions and a secret desire to be ass-raped by God.

Ghoulslime he would probably go get drunk with and try to have a three-way with his new Chinese friend.
Sorry to digress from this very entertaining throbbing cock business, but you reminded me of an anecdote. (That’s anecdote, God, My Arse, not antidote – you don’t need an antidote. Just swallow. You’ll be alright. It’s not poison.)

When I was in the Air Force, years ago, there was this skinny, gay, black, guy named Ramsey. He was a very effeminate, very animated kind of guy, always talking about Jesus. He would suddenly throw his eyes heavenward and sing out in a very excellent soprano, “Ahhhh, Praise Jesus.” It was so weird that we didn’t even bother to tell him to shut up. It was really entertaining – a totally loveable nutty guy.

Once in a while, we would make cracks about his kooky religious inclinations - and he would hold his hands out at us like a wizard ready to blast us with a spell, and evoke in his soprano voice, “I rebuke you in the name of Jesus!”

One night, he and I ended up on some lame-ass duty guarding Frankfurt International Airport. (When we were bombing Libya back in the early 80’s) It was really boring, and we had jack shit in common to talk about. We were looking up at the stars, and he started to talk about Jesus.

I can’t relate the whole dialogue verbatim without using many pages, but in short, he spoke about his love for Jesus – and about how he wished he were a woman so that he could be a nun and marry Jesus. I just listened politely, ‘cause this was some really good shit coming out of his mouth. He said the savior’s love is so sublime and so on…and then he said, “I wish he could love me like one man to another, in a worldly fashion, so that I could know his flesh and be one with my god.”

It was a combination of shock and the desire to hear more that kept me from falling on my ass in laughter.

I asked him really incredulously, “You mean you’d like to have sex with Jesus?”

My question sort of shook him out of his fantasy, because in those days Gays were frowned upon in the US Military, and what he was saying was overtly gay. He sort of changed his tone to be a bit more defensive, but I think he sensed I wasn’t going to say anything to anybody.

He said, “I would do as my lord commanded me, and if that means pleasing him in a sexual manner then I don’t see anything inappropriate with that.”

And I never said a goddamn word about it to anyone until we all got out of the Air Force.

I swear this account to be true, on my testicles, in the name of the Father, The Son, and the Holy Ghost, AAAAAAAMEN
That reminds me of that South Park episode where Cartman starts his own Christian band: "I want to get down on my knees and please Jesus.........I want to feel his salvation come all over my face........."

Also, I've seen improv comedy where they basically take Christian songs and replace "God" with "Phil" or something. They sound supremely gay afterwards.

[Viole]

Why do I get the impression that a large majority of Ghoulslime's problems are of Ghoulslime's own making? I've never been content with hearing one side of an argument, and I seriously doubt this one is without a freighter-load of bias.

[Philboid Studge]

I think I am going to turn gay
maybe start molesting animals
Praise the tender genitals of sweet baby Jesus!
Jesus Penis-Wrinkling Christ!
suck my throbbing cock
Philboid just saying.

[ghoulslime]

Why do I get the impression that a large majority of Ghoulslime's problems are of Ghoulslime's own making? I've never been content with hearing one side of an argument, and I seriously doubt this one is without a freighter-load of bias.
No doubt, Ghoulslime is far from standing on the moral high ground on anything. The ex-girlfriend's ex-boyfriend tried to warn me months ago. When he learned that she was going to move into my apartment with me, he actually came and found me at work and tried to convince me of the error of my ways. I ignored him and let my little head do the thinking for my big head. I made a bad choice - the consequences are of my making.

Suffice it to say I am truly relieved to have that constant drone of whining and complaining gone from my life. :)

[ghoulslime]

I think I am going to turn gay
maybe start molesting animals
Praise the tender genitals of sweet baby Jesus!
Jesus Penis-Wrinkling Christ!
suck my throbbing cock
Philboid just saying.
I came from a very conservative Mormon background. Making any reference to sexual functions or to genitalia is a highly disturbing to their sensibilities. I believe that is also the case with most conservative religions. They try to force unnatural social proprieties on me. I stick my irreverence right back in their faces.

Observe my Mormon porno page here:

http://poetryring.com/ghoulslime/poToons.html

I get a constant barrage of threatening and chastising emails because of this. I find it an intense sense of amusement.

I’m not gay. I’m not homophobic either.

I don’t molest animals. I made the comment for humorous effect. (It didn’t make you smile?)

The tender genitals of sweet baby Jesus reference is meant to belittle. I shouldn’t have to explain that.

Reference to cock sucking – well, I can’t say I don’t like to have my Johnson waxed on a regular basis. But I don’t suck cocks myself. My use of sexual reference here is meant to insult religious prudes and to entertain those who are not.

I make many references to Jesus as well. It doesn’t make me Christian. Again it is for humorous effect.

You think Ghoulslime is a crazy bastard? You’re not alone. Join the goddamn club.

You think any amount of high school peer pressure will sanction my sexual innuendos on Internet message boards? Take a fucking reality break. If you were standing in front of me I’d lean my nose against yours and tell you to suck your mother’s ass with a milkshake straw.

Don’t like my nasty mouth? Well, suck my throbbing cock. (When God, my arse is finished.) :D

By the way, this sounds meaner than it should...it's supposed to be a tongue in cheek sort of thing.

[HMS Beagle]

I don’t molest animals. I made the comment for humorous effect. (It didn’t make you smile?) ... By the way, this sounds meaner than it should...it's supposed to be a tongue in cheek sort of thing.
I smile at obscene postings if they're also clever, but they rarely are. Obscenity isn't automatically funny, nor is it shocking any more-- certainly not to audiences like ra.com's. I mostly just skip vulgar ravings for that reason. Not funny, not provocative-- not worth reading.

[ghoulslime]

I don’t molest animals. I made the comment for humorous effect. (It didn’t make you smile?) ... By the way, this sounds meaner than it should...it's supposed to be a tongue in cheek sort of thing.
I smile at obscene postings if they're also clever, but they rarely are. Obscenity isn't automatically funny, nor is it shocking any more-- certainly not to audiences like ra.com's. I mostly just skip vulgar ravings for that reason. Not funny, not provocative-- not worth reading.
http://ravingatheist.com/forum/img/uploads/shs_SadPuppy.jpg

HMS? You don't find Ghoulslime mildly amusing?

I'm starting to feel unwanted here. Sniff. :(

I guess I'll be off to rave somewhere else.

[Philboid Studge]

Ghoulslime: Lighten up. You're funny; you're loved. And since you incorporate so many insults in most of your posts you are fair game. (I see thomas called you 'an ignorant twat' on another thread -- this is good stuff! I appreciate both of you when I read that for some reason.)

The sexual innuendo has its 'ha ha moments', but I think that sort of thing should be applied judiciously to make a point, not sprayed willy-nilly as if from a throbbing cock in a porn film. But that's just me.

Meanwhile, the description of Pilate writing a postcard to Caesar: hee hee hee!

(Now the puppy dog pic -- that's just shameless.)

Philboid

[ghoulslime]

Ghoulslime: Lighten up. You're funny; you're loved. And since you incorporate so many insults in most of your posts you are fair game. (I see thomas called you 'an ignorant twat' on another thread -- this is good stuff! I appreciate both of you when I read that for some reason.)

The sexual innuendo has its 'ha ha moments', but I think that sort of thing should be applied judiciously to make a point, not sprayed willy-nilly as if from a throbbing cock in a porn film. But that's just me.

Meanwhile, the description of Pilate writing a postcard to Caesar: hee hee hee!

(Now the puppy dog pic -- that's just shameless.)

Philboid
Ok...lightening up here. Let me put my razor blades and sleeping pills away...alrighty then.

Actually, I get a kick out of being insulted when the insults are clever or meant in a humorous context like most of mine are. (Except for when I insult the Christians - then I truly mean it. I would gleefully bludgeon their mothers to death with a banana squash and keep the stuffed and mounted bodies in my garage for keepsakes if I could get away with it.)

What rags me is when the self-righteous try to sanction my speech – the indignant librarian “shhhhhhhhh.”

The puppy dog was shameless. I’ll stop wallowing in self-pity right away!

And I promise to lighten up.

Philboid Studge, lick the tip of my limpid penis!

[thomas]

You are a consistent hair splitter
I see thomas called you 'an ignorant twat'
I actually called him an arrogant twat

[HMS Beagle]

Actually, I get a kick out of being insulted when the insults are clever or meant in a humorous context like most of mine are. (Except for when I insult the Christians - then I truly mean it. I would gleefully bludgeon their mothers to death with a banana squash and keep the stuffed and mounted bodies in my garage for keepsakes if I could get away with it.)
Now that's funny. And maybe you could get away with it now that your ex-girlfriend is out of the garage.

[Philboid Studge]

You are a consistent hair splitter
I see thomas called you 'an ignorant twat'
I actually called him an arrogant twat
That is funny on so many levels.

[Tenspace]

You are a consistent hair splitter
I see thomas called you 'an ignorant twat'
I actually called him an arrogant twat
That is funny on so many levels.
(adding another level to how funny that really is on so many levels.) :)

[ghoulslime]

You are a consistent hair splitter
I see thomas called you 'an ignorant twat'
I actually called him an arrogant twat
That's correct. Ghoulslime is the arrogant twat. THOMAS is the ignorant one. :D

[ghoulslime]

Actually, I get a kick out of being insulted when the insults are clever or meant in a humorous context like most of mine are. (Except for when I insult the Christians - then I truly mean it. I would gleefully bludgeon their mothers to death with a banana squash and keep the stuffed and mounted bodies in my garage for keepsakes if I could get away with it.)
Now that's funny. And maybe you could get away with it now that your ex-girlfriend is out of the garage.
What makes you think I let her out of the garage? :D

[ghoulslime]

You are a consistent hair splitter
I see thomas called you 'an ignorant twat'
I actually called him an arrogant twat
That is funny on so many levels.
Dude! That is really funny! You have a sharp eye, Philboid Studge.

If the shoe fits, wear it. Thomas slipped his slippers right on - nice fitting slippers, genuine hair-splitters if I'm not mistaken!

:lol:

Three cheers for Philboid Studge!

[thomas]

Is self-deprecation a trait that an arrogant twat wouldn't be able to appreciate ?

[Philboid Studge]

Hmm. As melon-scratcher's go, that's a honey of a doodle. [/Ned Flanders]

But I guess it's a trait that an ignorant twat wouldn't be able to understand.