SpitFire317
08-08-2005, 05:32 PM
*The reason, dear reader, that I peed my pants in a public building is, in fact, because I have no belief in the higher power AKA GOD.*
You see, I don't believe in a creator of the world and universe, so naturally I avoid confrontations with those who DO believe in a higher being. Afterall, confrontation leads to awkward moments, which lead to standstill friendships and nonexistant dinner conversations. So I avoid the entire topic of god, Including situations which call for the phrases such as "God speed", "god be with you" and..most often "God bless you."
Therefore, every time I feel the urge to sneeze I tense my entire body to hold the thing back. This way there will be no need for an individual to exclaim the words "God bless you!"
So as I sat there, tensing my muscles, ready for the sneeze to come, I knew I had once again outsmarted the system. Except I was not aware that this was to be the most EXCEPTIONAL sneeze of the most unimaginable proportions. Needless to say, this expulsion of air and snot would have shaken the foundations of the world, had I let the thing come naturally. However, I was still unaware of the size of this beastly sneeze, and I continued hold it all back.
My tensed muscles were therefore caught unaware, and my entire body seized up as the sneeze attacked. The extreme effort of holding it back caused every muscle to squeeze, along with the oh-so-sensitive area around the bladder, which, by chance was EXCEPTIONALLY full.
You can guess the rest, I'm supposing. Next thing I knew, I was remembering the days of the diaper and the nights of bed-wetting blunders........ Only now I had peed my pants at the (relatively) mature age of 17.
Well, at least passerbys didn't feel the urge to titter "God bless you!"
Instead, their glances spoke quite clearly..."GO TO HELL."
Funny thing is, I don't believe in that, either.
NO....I didn't pee my pants in public...however, I held back a sneeze to avoid the "god bless" and ALMOST peed.
I guess you could call that event inspiration for the new best seller...which you have just read :P
You see, I don't believe in a creator of the world and universe, so naturally I avoid confrontations with those who DO believe in a higher being. Afterall, confrontation leads to awkward moments, which lead to standstill friendships and nonexistant dinner conversations. So I avoid the entire topic of god, Including situations which call for the phrases such as "God speed", "god be with you" and..most often "God bless you."
Therefore, every time I feel the urge to sneeze I tense my entire body to hold the thing back. This way there will be no need for an individual to exclaim the words "God bless you!"
So as I sat there, tensing my muscles, ready for the sneeze to come, I knew I had once again outsmarted the system. Except I was not aware that this was to be the most EXCEPTIONAL sneeze of the most unimaginable proportions. Needless to say, this expulsion of air and snot would have shaken the foundations of the world, had I let the thing come naturally. However, I was still unaware of the size of this beastly sneeze, and I continued hold it all back.
My tensed muscles were therefore caught unaware, and my entire body seized up as the sneeze attacked. The extreme effort of holding it back caused every muscle to squeeze, along with the oh-so-sensitive area around the bladder, which, by chance was EXCEPTIONALLY full.
You can guess the rest, I'm supposing. Next thing I knew, I was remembering the days of the diaper and the nights of bed-wetting blunders........ Only now I had peed my pants at the (relatively) mature age of 17.
Well, at least passerbys didn't feel the urge to titter "God bless you!"
Instead, their glances spoke quite clearly..."GO TO HELL."
Funny thing is, I don't believe in that, either.
NO....I didn't pee my pants in public...however, I held back a sneeze to avoid the "god bless" and ALMOST peed.
I guess you could call that event inspiration for the new best seller...which you have just read :P