| Facehammer |
02-28-2008 05:31 AM |
Oh, leprechauns are still abroad on the streets of Dublin, but these days they're indistinguishable from midgets. They've had a rough couple of decades, and the world has ground them into dark, bitter shadows of their old selves. If you catch one and ask him for a pot of gold today, he'll tell you to fuck off, then headbut you in the balls.
After centuries of sectarian conflict and ill-feeling in their green and beautiful land, they ended up exhausting their pots o' gold on terrorist bombing campaigns and those massive IRA weapons caches you used to hear about. Seriously, do you have any idea how many rainbows they needed to find the ends of just to finance the smuggling of ex-Soviet rocket launchers and heavy machine guns? The fact is that these weapons were barely ever used, if at all - which is a dreadful irony, as they were exactly what they needed to defend themselves against periodic culling by the SAS and British Army.
Further, their tragic losses could not be replaced by a new generation of leprechauns, due to their unusual breeding habits: whether or not female leprechauns exist (which is still debated endlessly in pubs across the land), all leprechauns look and act outwardly male. This means that any attempt at seduction between leprechauns is seen as "gay," and due to all leprechauns' fiercely Catholic upbringing, is immediately and unthinkingly met with a smashed guinness pint glass to the face.
Nowadays, with the decline of their race still weighing heavy on their hearts, and the cause they supported lying largely abandoned by all but the baldest and twitchiest of former convicts, they live out their lives in the only modern community where they can find a measure of understanding of their pain, as well as women who aren't real men: that of "little people."
And now you know.
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