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Search: Posts Made By: assilem
Forum: Open Mic and General Chat 12-23-2012, 10:33 PM
Replies: 9,237
Views: 351,010
Posted By assilem
4) Have the Sunday school children sing "Jesus...

4) Have the Sunday school children sing "Jesus Loves the Little Children", preach about how God loves everyone in the world, then treat the black family who visits your church like an elephant in the...
Forum: Open Mic and General Chat 12-21-2012, 01:44 PM
Replies: 1
Views: 1,506
Posted By assilem
There's more! God is like.. DELTA He's...

There's more!

God is like..
DELTA He's ready when you are.

God is like.
ALLSTATE You're in good hands with Him.

God is like.
VO-5 Hair Spray; He holds through all kinds...
Forum: Open Mic and General Chat 12-21-2012, 01:42 PM
Replies: 1
Views: 1,506
Posted By assilem
Fifth Grade Assignment- God glurge

Found this in my inbox:




Very good, indeed!!!
I would like to see assignments by teachers to students in my neck of the woods!!!!

Fifth Grade Assignment
Forum: Atheist News 12-21-2012, 12:57 PM
Replies: 5
Views: 1,751
Posted By assilem
I tried it, but I couldn't get it to scroll down...

I tried it, but I couldn't get it to scroll down on the "country" option, so, I am now Australian. G'day, mates!
Forum: Open Mic and General Chat 12-21-2012, 12:43 PM
Replies: 14
Views: 1,731
Posted By assilem
I'll probably do that later tonight too. Probably...

I'll probably do that later tonight too. Probably with some gingerbread cookies.
Forum: Does God Exist? 03-03-2012, 09:53 PM
Replies: 43
Views: 8,964
Posted By assilem
Yuppers.

Yuppers.
Forum: Does God Exist? 12-23-2011, 05:35 PM
Replies: 43
Views: 8,964
Posted By assilem
What I think "inspired by God" means is "I...

What I think "inspired by God" means is "I really, really wanted to do this, but it looks more impressive if I say a higher being told me to do it." This can apply to such actions as painting a...
Forum: Atheist vs Theist 11-19-2011, 10:13 AM
Replies: 426
Views: 45,674
Posted By assilem
I've heard brown is the color used for colon...

I've heard brown is the color used for colon cancer. Gross, I know!

Blue ribbons are for child abuse awareness, police support and support for on-line freedom of speech.

Wikipedia has this handy...
Forum: Open Mic and General Chat 11-19-2011, 09:54 AM
Replies: 351
Views: 29,029
Posted By assilem
I'm guessing they don't do the Yule Log anymore.

I'm guessing they don't do the Yule Log anymore.
Forum: Open Mic and General Chat 11-19-2011, 09:45 AM
Replies: 9,237
Views: 351,010
Posted By assilem
3) Princess...

3) Princess Celestia

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v723/cygnavamp/celestiarapture.jpg
Forum: Introduce Yourself 11-18-2011, 08:56 PM
Replies: 405
Views: 88,075
Posted By assilem
Hmmm....I'm curious, is coming on Raving Atheist...

Hmmm....I'm curious, is coming on Raving Atheist forums and announcing you believe in God some sort of initiation thing theist groups do? Y'know, like being 'jumped' into a gang.

BTW, I think I...
Forum: Introduce Yourself 11-18-2011, 12:04 PM
Replies: 405
Views: 88,075
Posted By assilem
Sweet Hsaman (Or however the fuck you spell your...

Sweet Hsaman (Or however the fuck you spell your DA handle) is that you? You're just a fucking glutton for punishment ain't ya?

Nah, can't be. Egor hasn't once called someone "violent" for dropping...
Forum: Open Mic and General Chat 11-01-2011, 07:59 PM
Replies: 9,237
Views: 351,010
Posted By assilem
1) Didn't actually walk on water, he walked on...

1) Didn't actually walk on water, he walked on Walter. Walter Matthau was taking a nap on the floor and he walked on him.

Top Ten Things Harold Camping is Going to do Now That he's Given up on...
Forum: Atheist vs Theist 08-10-2011, 06:48 PM
Replies: 19
Views: 4,270
Posted By assilem
It looks like some nightmarish version of Barney.

It looks like some nightmarish version of Barney.
Forum: Open Mic and General Chat 08-07-2011, 08:01 PM
Replies: 9,237
Views: 351,010
Posted By assilem
1) For sending me a Bible instead of some fucking...

1) For sending me a Bible instead of some fucking food!

Next:

Top Ten Apologist Excuses

10) Yeah, well, you can't see your brain, heart or other organs either but you know you have them! X-Rays...
Forum: Open Mic and General Chat 06-24-2011, 05:01 PM
Replies: 9,237
Views: 351,010
Posted By assilem
Yeah, actually, she's going steady with Jesús...

Yeah, actually, she's going steady with Jesús Gonzales, the Mexican exchange student.
Forum: General Discussion 04-04-2011, 09:59 PM
Replies: 79
Views: 4,167
Posted By assilem
On the contrary, West, Vulcans came to Earth to...

On the contrary, West, Vulcans came to Earth to save the human race with their advanced technology. The movie Star Trek: First Contact explains how/why Vulcans came to be known to Earth.

It's little...
Forum: Atheist vs Theist 04-04-2011, 09:42 PM
Replies: 34
Views: 3,466
Posted By assilem
When I was 9 years old and hospitalized for open...

When I was 9 years old and hospitalized for open heart surgery, some local church lady saw me and saw a captive audience, a dumb little kid who wouldn't question her and was a captive audience since...
Forum: Open Mic and General Chat 04-04-2011, 09:33 PM
Replies: 9,237
Views: 351,010
Posted By assilem
3) (Though probably deserves to be #1) 1...

3) (Though probably deserves to be #1)

1 Corinthians 13, because it's all a massive lie.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wc1Vt9S9v8Q&feature=feedu
Forum: Open Mic and General Chat 03-17-2011, 11:51 AM
Replies: 9,237
Views: 351,010
Posted By assilem
And the number oneexample of how the average...

And the number oneexample of how the average chimpanzee is intellectually superior to the average theist....

A chimp will not blow up another chimp for pronouncing the word "banana" differently from...
Forum: General Discussion 10-16-2010, 10:00 PM
Replies: 2
Views: 727
Posted By assilem
Dear God:

Saw on a t-shirt today.

Dear God:
Why do you allow so much violence in schools?
Signed,
A Concerned Student

Dear Concerned:
I'm not allowed in schools.
Signed,
Forum: General Discussion 10-16-2010, 09:52 PM
Replies: 91
Views: 30,010
Posted By assilem
Good joke, but the last line sounds more like...

Good joke, but the last line sounds more like British patois. A Texan would say "Feed the durn monkeys an' donchya fuckin' touch nothin'!" (I'm exaggerating...a little.)
Forum: Atheist vs Theist 09-10-2010, 09:33 AM
Replies: 340
Views: 27,522
Posted By assilem
I'm not sure, but I think someone may be planning...

I'm not sure, but I think someone may be planning a Koran burning here in Louisiana. I work at a bookstore and I got a call yesterday from a man who wanted to know if we had any paperback versions of...
Forum: General Discussion 08-31-2010, 05:45 PM
Replies: 37
Views: 2,257
Posted By assilem
Where do all the calculators go when they die?

Where do all the calculators go when they die?
Forum: Open Mic and General Chat 08-27-2010, 07:14 PM
Replies: 1,350
Sticky: Random Youtube
Views: 128,168
Posted By assilem
Well, thanks for not hating me for being honest....

Well, thanks for not hating me for being honest. I love you guys! (Hugs for all.) Been without Internet for a week.
Showing results 1 to 25 of 253

 
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