Thread: It's Alive!
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Old 01-24-2008, 06:27 PM   #5
Facehammer
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Wait, there's more. Joy!

Quote:
Job 38:25-27: "Who cuts a channel for the torrents
of rain, and a path for the thunderstorm, to water a land where no
man lives, a desert with no one in it, to satisfy a desolate
wasteland and make it sprout with grass?
Who cuts a channel for the torrents of rain? WE DO!



Who creates life from a lifeless desert? WE DO!




Quote:
Job 38:28: "Does the rain have a father? Who
fathers the drops of dew?"
Nobody, as has been understood for a considerable amount of time. They're both just condensation.

God claiming direct responsibility for this is almost as ridiculous as that chick tract that claims protons in an atomic nucleus don't fly apart because Jesus holds them together.


Quote:
Job 38:29-30: "From whose womb comes the ice? Who
gives birth to the frost from the heavens when the waters become
hard as stone, when the surface of the deep is
frozen?"
I believe the ice comes from Ann Coulter's womb. I bet she's frigid as a true Scot on a chilly night.

I also believe phenomena involving the change of state of water are caused simply by changing local temperatures. This really isn't difficult to understand, let alone replicate. Anyone reading this is sure to have a fridge.


Quote:
Job 38:31-32: "Can you bind the beautiful
Pleiades? Can you loose the cords of Orion? Can you bring forth the
constellations in their seasons or lead out the Bear with its
cubs?"
Firstly, Orion doesn't have "cords," dumbass. It's an otherwise unrelated group of colossal fusion-powered balls of gas and intersellar dust that, from our perspective, form a pattern named by people who christians would consider heathens.

We don't need to bring the constellations out ourselves, because we know that we don't actually have to do anything for them to appear, other than wait a bit for the Earth's orbit to progress around the sun.


Quote:
Job 38:33: "Do you know the laws of the heavens?
Can you set up dominion over the earth?"
Laws of the heavens? Ohhh yeeeaaaah. Maybe not all of them yet, but, it would seem, a damn sight more than god here.

Dominion over the Earth? Ohhhhhh yeeeeeeaaaah. Short of wiping ourselves out with war or overpopulation or pollution, we're in control of a large and growing number of aspects of our world, and as we grow ever more powerful, the chances of us being out-competed grow ever slimmer.


Quote:
Job 38:34 "Can you raise your voice to the clouds
and cover yourself with a flood of water?"
Absolutely. Simply push over one of Iron Maiden's biggest speakers at the bottom of an empty swimming pool and plug in a mic.

Should we so wish, we could happily cover ourselves in as much of a flood as we want, by blowing up a big dam. This is another one of those things I can't imagine anyone actually wanting to do - it's far better to control water so that it doesn't cover us as a flood - which, what do you know, we do too.



Quote:
Job 38:35: "Do you send the lightning bolts on
their way? Do they report to you, `Here we
are'?"
No, because we know that they naturally follow the path of least resistance without any instruction whatsoever.

As for sending them on their way, we can far outdo that: we can control lightning with such finesse that we can make it beat world chess champions, calculate the laws of the universe and wipe the floor with us in Halo 3.


Quote:
Job 38:36: "Who endowed the heart with wisdom or
gave understanding to the mind?"
It certainly wasn't god, because wisdom doesn't come from the heart - it comes from higher brain function.


Quote:
Job 38:37-38: "Who has the wisdom to count the
clouds? Who can tip over the water jars of the heavens when the
dust becomes hard and the clods of earth stick
together?"
We now have wisdom not to try something so stupid as counting clouds, partly because they're an intransient phenomenon and counting them would have no meaning, but mostly because clouds are already well-understood and we have more important things to worry about.

As for creating our own rain, we can make a good go of that too, thanks to cloud-seeding. Not that it is necessary in many cases, thanks to our prowess with irrigation technology.


Quote:
Job 38:39-40: "Do you hunt the prey for the
lioness and satisfy the hunger of the lions when they crouch in
their dens or lie in wait in a thicket? Who provides food for the
raven when its young cry out to God and wander about for lack of
food?"
Could any lioness read this, I'm sure she would be quite pissed off at the slight on her highly-evolved hunting skills. And could and raven read this, I'm sure it would slap its wing to its forehead and say "Well, all the dead animals lying around, DERRR."

And so it ends. In conclusion, humans are considerably better at playing god than god.
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