11-18-2009, 07:34 PM
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I Live Here
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 20,925
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Will Jesus Save the Primitive Children of God?
One of my colleagues was raised an evangelical of the standard Merkin, blood-drinking, make-believe-believing sort. He recently related an anecdote of his childhood to me. It seems, that as a boy, he had his mouth slapped, then subsequently washed with soap, for asking his mother whether Neanderthals would go to heaven. It was an innocent question for which his ignorant mother had no answer but fierce rebuke.
At the risk of having my own mouth slapped or worse, I would like to raise this same question for our esteemed forum to consider. (Oh, Leprechauns! If they wash my mouth with soap, please let it be Irish Spring! Strong enough for your asshole but effective on dirty mouths! ) It would appear that God took his sweet time making man in His own image. He went through a lot of prototypes before he finally developed the perfect blonde-haired, blue-eyed, simulacrum of Himself.
Nova: Becoming Human Part 1
Nova: Becoming Human Part 2
Nova: Becoming Human Part 3
Did Jesus die for Homo Erectus' sins? Homo Erectus (Not to be confused with sexually aroused gay men!)
Is Peking Man sitting on the right hand side of God in paradise, chowing down on Peking Duck?
Should the Neanderthals have killed and sacrificed animals in order to please the Lord, or were they saved by grace?
Now that the progressive, modern day followers of Jesus, hollowed be His penis, have embraced the reality of evolution, it seems incumbent upon these enlightened messengers of His word to catechize His mysteries for the rest of us. At what point did God breathe souls into his meat children? What percentage of modern human DNA was needed in order for Him to reward us with eternal life? If our genetic sequence deviates from its present arrangement, will He change His plan?
These things I wonder, as I lay awake at night, masturbating to homoerotic fantasies of Winnie the Pooh and Piglet doing Tigger in a bubbling sauna.
The Leprechauns do not forbid the drawing of Their images, as long as we color within the lines. ~ Ghoulslime H Christ, Prophet, Seer, Revelator, and Masturbator
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