who jacks off the most?

[ghoulslime]

Come on! Out with the confessions! Everybody has their dirty little secrets! Everybody has fantasized about something they don't want to admit to. It might be the plumber's hairy ass crack, maybe the neighbor's dog, the paper boy, the old lady who mops up the piss under the urinals in the subway restroom. Everybody has their naughty secret.

The most disgusting one I could think of was fucking Lily's ass. The truth is, I would fuck Lily's ass, just to see the utter look of surprise on her face when she finally got what she has been hungering for all of these lonely years. Lily's ass...can you beat it?

[Kate]

[calpurnpiso]

ghoulslime wrote

Come on! Out with the confessions! Everybody has their dirty little secrets! Everybody has fantasized about something they don't want to admit to. It might be the plumber's hairy ass crack, maybe the neighbor's dog, the paper boy, the old lady who mops up the piss under the urinals in the subway restroom. Everybody has their naughty secret.

The most disgusting one I could think of was fucking Lily's ass. The truth is, I would fuck Lily's ass, just to see the utter look of surprise on her face when she finally got what she has been hungering for all of these lonely years. Lily's ass...can you beat it?

....Yup, the JET did her in...

[Kate]

[ghoulslime]

Kate wrote

Argh, matey! Ye raise me misen mast high. How I’d like to fire a full port side into your poop deck! Ride the seven seas we would! Treasure to be plundered!

[ghoulslime]

Kate wrote

Thar she blows! That be a Lily-lovin whale!

[ghoulslime]

calpurnpiso wrote

....Yup, the JET did her in...

Her shrill sharp shrieks fell flat.

[clambake]

Wakkun wrote

Oh what a shame. I have her on ignore. I don't know what I'm missing, obviously.

Arrr, ye be missin' nothing but a parrot's ass! Arrrrr....

[ghoulslime]

As a young man growing up in the Mormon Church, I was taught that masturbation is very bad.

According to the Mormon Church:

our bodies are temples of God, and are to be clean so that the Holy Ghost may dwell within us. Masturbation is a sinful habit that robs one of the Spirit and creates guilt and emotional stress.

Not to despair! The wise Mormon leaders offer sage advice to young men who are determined to break this evil and ungodly habit:

OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

SUGGESTIONS

1. Pray daily, ask for the gifts of the Spirit, that which will strengthen you against temptation. Pray fervently and out loud when the temptations are the strongest.
2. Follow a program of vigorous daily exercise. These exercises reduce emotional tensions and depression and are absolutely basic to the solution of this problem. Double your physical activity when you feel stress increasing.
3. When the temptation to masturbate is strong, yell stop to those thoughts as loudly as you can in your mind and then recite a pre-chosen scripture or sing an inspirational hymn. It is important to turn your thoughts away from the selfish need to indulge.
4. Set goals of abstinence, begin with a day, then a week, month, year, and finally commit to never doing it again. Until you commit yourself to never again you will always be open to temptation.
5. Change in behavior and attitude is most easily achieved through a changed self-image. Spend time every day imagining yourself strong and in control, easily overcoming tempting situations.
6. Begin to work daily on a self-improvement program. Relate this plan to improving your church service, to improving your relationships with your family, God and others. Strive to enhance your strengths and talents.
7. Be outgoing and friendly. Force yourself to be with others and learn to enjoy working and talking with them. Use principles of developing friendships found in books such as How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie.
8. Be aware of situations that depress you or that cause you to feel lonely, bored, frustrated, or discouraged. These emotional states can trigger the desire to masturbate as a way of escape. Plan in advance to counter these low periods through various activities, such as reading a book, visiting a friend, doing something athletic, etc.
9. Make a pocket calendar for a month on a small card. Carry it with you, but show it to no one. If you have a lapse of self-control color that day black. Your goal will be to have no black days. The calendar becomes a strong visual reminder of self-control and should be looked at when you are tempted to add another black day. Keep your calendar up until you have at least three clear months.
10. A careful study will indicate you have had the problem at certain times and under certain conditions. Try and recall, in detail, what your particular times and conditions were. Now that you understand how it happens, plan to break the pattern through counter-activities.
11. In the field of psychotherapy there is a very effective technique called aversion therapy. When we associate or think of something very distasteful with something which has been pleasurable, but undesirable, the distasteful thought and feeling will begin to cancel out that which was pleasurable. If you associate something very distasteful with your loss of self-control it will help you stop the act. For example, if you are tempted to masturbate think of having to bathe in a tub of worms, and eat several of them as you do the act.
12. During your toilet and shower activities leave the bathroom door or shower curtain partly open, to discourage being along in total privacy. Take cool brief showers.
13. Arise immediately in the mornings. Do not lie in bed awake, no matter what time of day it is. Get up and do something. Start each day with an enthusiastic activity.
14. Keep your bladder empty. Refrain from drinking large amounts of fluids before retiring.
15. Reduce the amount of spices and condiments in your food. Eat as lightly as possible at night.
16. Wear pajamas that are difficult to open, yet loose and not binding.
17. Avoid people, situations, pictures or reading materials that might create sexual excitement.
18. It is sometimes helpful to have a physical object to use in overcoming this problem. A Book of Mormon, firmly held in hand, even in bed at night has proven helpful in extreme cases.
19. In very severe cases it may be necessary to tie a hand to the bed frame with a tie in order that the habit of masturbating in a semi-sleep condition can be broken. This can also be accomplished by wearing several layers of clothing which would be difficult to remove while half-asleep.
20. Set up a reward system for your successes. It does not have to be a big reward. A quarter in a receptacle each time you overcome or reach a goal. Spend it on something which delights you and will be a continuing reminder of your progress.
21. Do not let yourself return to any past habit or attitude patterns which were part of your problem. Satan never gives up. Be calmly and confidently on guard. Keep a positive mental attitude. You can win this fight! The joy and strength you will feel when you do will give your whole life a radiant and spiritual glow of satisfaction and fulfillment.

[ghoulslime]

You too can overcome the evils of masturbation:

STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

Be assured that you can be cured of your difficulty. Many have been, both male and female, and you can be also if you determine that it must be so.

This determination is the first step. That is where we begin. You must decide that you will end this practice, and when you make that decision, the problem will be greatly reduced at once.

But it must be more than a hope or a wish, more than knowing that it is good for you. It must be actually a DECISION. If you truly make up your mind that you will be cured, then you will have the strength to resist any tendencies which you may have and any temptations which may come to you. After you have made this decision, then observe the following specific guidelines:

1. Never touch the intimate parts of your body expect during normal toilet processes.
2. Avoid being alone as much as possible. Find good company and stay in this good company.
3. If you are associated with other persons having this same problem, YOU MUST BREAK OFF THEIR FRIENDSHIP. Never associate with other people having the same weakness. Don't suppose that two of you will quit together, you never will. You must get away from people of that kind. Just to be in their presence will keep your problem foremost in your mind. The problem must be taken OUT OF YOUR MIND for that is where it really exists. Your mind must be on other and more wholesome things.
4. When you bathe, do not admire yourself in a mirror. Never stay in the bath more than five or six minutes--just long enough to bathe and dry and dress AND THEN GET OUT OF THE BATHROOM into a room where you will have some member of your family present.
5. When in bed, if that is where you have your problem for the most part, dress yourself for the night so securely that you cannot easily touch your vital parts, and so that it would be difficult and time consuming for you to remove those clothes. By the time you started to remove protective clothing, you would have sufficiently controlled your thinking that the temptation would leave you.
6. If the temptation seems overpowering while you are in bed, GET OUT OF BED AND GO INTO THE KITCHEN AND FIX YOURSELF A SNACK, even if it is in the middle of the night, and even if you are not hungry, and despite your fears of gaining weight. The purpose behind this suggestion is that you GET YOUR MIND ON SOMETHING ELSE. You change the subject of your thoughts, so to speak.
7. Never read pornographic material. Never read about your problem. Keep it out of your mind. Remember--"first a thought, then an act." The thought pattern must be changed. You must not allow this problem to remain in your mind. When you accomplish that, you soon will be free of the act.
8. Put wholesome thoughts into your mind at all times. Read good books--Church books-scriptures--sermons of the brethren. Make a daily habit of reading at least one chapter of scripture, preferable from one of the four gospels in the New Testament, or the Book of Mormon. The four gospels--Matthew, Mark, Luke and John--above anything else in the Bible can be helpful because of their uplifting qualities.
9. Pray. But when you pray, don't pray about this problem, for that will tend to keep it in your mind more than ever. Pray for faith, pray for understanding of the scriptures, pray for the missionaries, the General Authorities, your friends, your families, BUT KEEP THE PROBLEM OUT OF YOUR MIND BY NOT MENTIONING IT EVER--NOT IN CONVERSATION WITH OTHERS, NOT IN YOUR PRAYERS. KEEP IT OUT of your mind!

I have found that having a couple of lady boys take turns sucking your cock and fingering your asshole before bed usually prevents the urge to masturbate.

[ghoulslime]

Never stay in the bath more than five or six minutes--just long enough to bathe and dry and dress AND THEN GET OUT OF THE BATHROOM into a room where you will have some member of your family present. Never touch the “intimate” parts of your body!

If you see your cock, run, motherfucker, run! Get out of there fast!

[Kate]

[ghoulslime]

These Mormons tell us that “If the temptation seems overpowering while you are in bed, GET OUT OF BED AND GO INTO THE KITCHEN AND FIX YOURSELF A SNACK, even if it is in the middle of the night, and even if you are not hungry, and despite your fears of gaining weight. The purpose behind this suggestion is that you GET YOUR MIND ON SOMETHING ELSE.”

While this explains all of the fat and horny Mormons of the world, it begs the question, “What if I run to the kitchen in the middle of the night, and the thing that I crave to snack on is a wet Cambodian pussy?” If have a snack that would fit nicely into somebody’s wet little kitchen, how about I just fix myself a little treat in bed or out of bed? The purpose of my cock is to have the jizz milked out of it on a regular basis. The Mormon’s imaginary friend never heard of blue balls?

[ghoulslime]

Kate wrote

They look guilty. Have they been masturbating?