Stoned Tablets from the Mount - Page 4

ghoulslime · 03-14-2010, 05:50 PM

While the shit about coveting the neighbor's wife and adultery is the most laughable to me, the one that really boggles the senses is: I AM THE LORD THY GOD THOU SHALT NOT HAVE STRANGE GODS BEFORE ME.

I am hard pressed to think of a stranger god than the crazed psychopath three-way-reach-round team who wants to save us from himself by commanding us to eat his flesh and drink his blood, under threat of eternal damnation, because he loves us.

anthonyjfuchs · 03-14-2010, 09:18 PM

Some anonymous ancient desert tribesman is the author of all? Huh.

lostsheep · 03-14-2010, 09:29 PM

Quote:

ghoulslime wrote

I am hard pressed to think of a stranger god than the crazed psychopath three-way-reach-round team who wants to save us from himself by commanding us to eat his flesh and drink his blood, under threat of eternal damnation, because he loves us.

LOL! This is so awesome.

I would love to put this on my FB page, but my boss is an outspoken Xian who is also a FB friend

Mog · 03-15-2010, 12:17 AM

Quote:

Irreligious wrote

So, did you work yesterday, Lily?

And did you give your slaves the day off today, hmm?

I have to admit, such a huge opportunity to make a completely innovative law for its time, wasted. I mean, the Jews get freed from their slavery, and haven't gotten the chance to get slaves of their own yet, why not:

Thou shalt not own other people without their consent.

(with enough clarifying writing to distinguish slavery from other arrangements like fair employment, apprenticeship, and family.)

God wastes three laws massaging his ego, and can't spare one law to help erase an injustice that has continued to go on for 3 or 4 more millenia?

ghoulslime · 03-15-2010, 04:53 AM

Quote:

lostsheep wrote

LOL! This is so awesome.

I would love to put this on my FB page, but my boss is an outspoken Xian who is also a FB friend

It's a bummer that so many mentally disturbed individuals are in positions of power in the western world. Honestly, when you were a kid, and first heard the whole god head / save the souls from sin balderdash, didn't it just totally make your head spin around? How desperate and / or stupid so many people are!

ghoulslime · 03-15-2010, 04:59 AM

Quote:

Mog wrote

I have to admit, such a huge opportunity to make a completely innovative law for its time, wasted. I mean, the Jews get freed from their slavery, and haven't gotten the chance to get slaves of their own yet, why not:

Thou shalt not own other people without their consent.

(with enough clarifying writing to distinguish slavery from other arrangements like fair employment, apprenticeship, and family.)

God wastes three laws massaging his ego, and can't spare one law to help erase an injustice that has continued to go on for 3 or 4 more millenia?

Not only did Lily's god tell us it is alright to have slaves, he told us how we can mark them for identification purposes as well. Lily's god is a wondrous, perfect, and unchanging god! Also, when we conquer our enemies, we get to slay all of them except for the little virgin girls, which we get to rape. That Lily's god is so full of love!

Lily's perfect and unchanging god doesn't mind a few 1000 years of slavery as long as nobody touches the bum bum of another without His permission! What an amazing being to worship!

Philboid Studge · 03-15-2010, 05:28 AM

Quote:

Mog wrote

God wastes three laws massaging his ego ...

Indeed. For a fellow who wished not to his name taken in vain He sure was one vain motherfucker. He created Carly Simon just so He could have a song written about him, He was so vain. Must have been one of those 'Do as I say not as I do thingies.' He had a lot of those, what with all the killing and lying and coveting (of oursouls) He did.

Come to think of it, it's unclear when Joesph and Mary plighted their troth. If they were married when Vainy McFucksalot slipped one past her hymen, then the Old Bastard committed adultery too. It's good to be king.

dogpet · 03-15-2010, 06:11 AM

Quote:

Philboid Studge wrote

Come to think of it, it's unclear when Joesph and Mary plighted their troth. If they were married when Vainy McFucksalot slipped one past her hymen, then the Old Bastard committed adultery too. It's good to be king.

If Mary was elevated to heaven intact, she must have had a zipper fitted ala Posh Spice, & Joseph a dick like a pencil for them to breed the rest of the brood of unknown quantity. Sisters being female were obviously too insignificant to name or count.

ghoulslime · 03-16-2010, 05:43 AM

Quote:

Philboid Studge wrote

Indeed. For a fellow who wished not to his name taken in vain He sure was one vain motherfucker. He created Carly Simon just so He could have a song written about him, He was so vain. Must have been one of those 'Do as I say not as I do thingies.' He had a lot of those, what with all the killing and lying and coveting (of oursouls) He did.

Come to think of it, it's unclear when Joesph and Mary plighted their troth. If they were married when Vainy McFucksalot slipped one past her hymen, then the Old Bastard committed adultery too. It's good to be king.

So was it adultery or fornication? One would have thought this sort of thing would be settled at the council of Nicea and such.

lostsheep · 03-16-2010, 09:13 PM

Quote:

ghoulslime wrote

Not only did Lily's god tell us it is alright to have slaves, he told us how we can mark them for identification purposes as well. Lily's god is a wondrous, perfect, and unchanging god! Also, when we conquer our enemies, we get to slay all of them except for the little virgin girls, which we get to rape. That Lily's god is so full of love!

Lily's perfect and unchanging god doesn't mind a few 1000 years of slavery as long as nobody touches the bum bum of another without His permission! What an amazing being to worship!

Hey Ghoul, who are you to question the Alsmighty? If Gawd says it's good, then it IS good, you just can't see the big picture, since your are so imperfect and all. It's like cancer, earthquakes, and war: it just seems bad, but it all works out for the best in the end.

You have to remember, that in OT times, young virgin girls were raped and killed all the time, so Gawd is demonstrating his superior form of morality here by sparing their lives, plus it was an added reward for his chosen peeps. And he also forbid you to brand slaves on their faces, b/c that would have just been mean. Gawd was just doing his best to relate to savage barbarians, trying to give them a little morality.

You are taking things out of context. You are just misinterpreting these passages.

These passages are part of the OT, and since Jesus died, we are now all civilized (even Gawd). Also, NOW (since Jesus died), we are actually aware that these things are bad, whereas b/f (in OT times) we really didn't know this shit sucked, so Gawd had to meet us where we were at (eg., the primitive barbarian stage). It's like dealing with Myanmar's government (or probably any government, for that matter): you know they suck, but you place nice w/ them so they don't do even more fucked up shit to people than they have already done.

[Just thought I would give you some of the theist excuses...did I miss any?]

lostsheep · 03-16-2010, 09:19 PM

Quote:

ghoulslime wrote

It's a bummer that so many mentally disturbed individuals are in positions of power in the western world. Honestly, when you were a kid, and first heard the whole god head / save the souls from sin balderdash, didn't it just totally make your head spin around? How desperate and / or stupid so many people are!

What's odd is that so many people can be so intelligent in some ways, yet incredibly naive and stupid in others.

03-16-2010, 09:19 PM

I suppose, since you are a kid still, that you have some excuse for this juvenile bit of nonsense. Danny has none, unless you call being a product of a bad upbringing an excuse. I don't, except in extreme cases. At some point, assuming that one is not mentally ill, one has to stop blaming one's parents for one's bad character. Our Danny is long past old enough to have gotten his act together.

lostsheep · 03-16-2010, 09:21 PM

As I've told you b/f Lilly, these are excuses I learned way back in Sunday school, and some of these same excuses are given by highly educated apologists for your faith, though of course they are worded more eloquently. Do you deny this?

03-16-2010, 09:23 PM

Yes. Or, rather, your inability to understand what you have been told is your problem. Not ours. You could not pass my freshmen ancient literature course with that silly "understanding" of the past.

lostsheep · 03-16-2010, 09:25 PM

I am probably going to regret asking this...but what exactly am I not understanding, pray tell? (Or will you just accuse me of being too stupid to understand?)