I hate to ask but your help is needed.

11-10-2008, 12:52 PM

Now I am not asking for favors or anything just to clear that up before I get started, just advice.
(For the sake of dicussion pretend this is you)

Your mother is a christian. She believes that there is a god and nothing could convince her otherwise. How would you go about telling her your an atheist?

The last time I tried to bring up my atheism she said she was worried about me. I asked her why and she said that she believed if I did not think there was a "god" that I would be a bad person. So I stoped hinting it to her and ever since have pretended to be a christian around her. It is sad because everyone I know, even my sister, knows that I am an atheist. Keep in mind I feel bad for not telling her, it makes me feel that I am not being truthful with her.

So how would you start the conversation? What responses would you expect from her?

Thanks for any and all advice,

Nick

Philboid Studge · 11-10-2008, 01:09 PM

well yer not being truthful with her, so being a liar, you're practically a Christian already ( in the eyes of god anyway) so mum should be happy.

Sternwallow · 11-11-2008, 06:41 AM

Hi, Mom. Can I have a cookie? Are you aware that there are a great many people in the world who are not Christian? And some milk, please. You know, a great many of those non-Christians do not believe in any god at all and yet a great many of these non-believers are good people who do good kind charitable things? Just one more cookie, I promise it won't ruin my appetite for dinner. Don't you know that many of your close friends and good neighbors are actually non-believers who only pretend to be Christian because it would hurt their friends and neighbors, like you, to know of their non-belief? Thanks, you make the best cookies! I am one and I am a good person.

That's pretty much what I said to my mom. It did not take right away and I did have to quote some scripture to her that countered some of her mistaken notions of what Christianity entails. She said, for instance, that she liked the wonderful way that Jesus treated His mother. I wondered aloud why He would say to her "woman, what have I to do with you?" when his mother innocently asked about the wine supply.

I think she finally came around to accepting my disbelief because she would otherwise have had to deny the clear evidence of my sterling character and noble demeanor. I think that praising her cookies may have helped also.*

11-11-2008, 07:55 AM

Quote:

Sternwallow wrote

Hi, Mom. Can I have a cookie? Are you aware that there are a great many people in the world who are not Christian? And some milk, please. You know, a great many of those non-Christians do not believe in any god at all and yet a great many of these non-believers are good people who do good kind charitable things? Just one more cookie, I promise it won't ruin my appetite for dinner. Don't you know that many of your close friends and good neighbors are actually non-believers who only pretend to be Christian because it would hurt their friends and neighbors, like you, to know of their non-belief? Thanks, you make the best cookies! I am one and I am a good person.

That's pretty much what I said to my mom. It did not take right away and I did have to quote some scripture to her that countered some of her mistaken notions of what Christianity entails. She said, for instance, that she liked the wonderful way that Jesus treated His mother. I wondered aloud why He would say to her "woman, what have I to do with you?" when his mother innocently asked about the wine supply.

I think she finally came around to accepting my disbelief because she would otherwise have had to deny the clear evidence of my sterling character and noble demeanor. I think that praising her cookies may have helped also.*

Thank you again sternwallow. Just more proof of how wise you can be.

Eva · 11-11-2008, 08:02 AM

assilem · 11-11-2008, 08:16 AM

11-11-2008, 08:39 AM

You don't have to tell her anything, and you probably shouldn't. What you should do is, behave your best (like you probably already are doing), set a good example and so forth. Then, when the time comes, you can sneakily sneak into conversation that you've been an atheist "all these years". Then she'll see you haven't hurt a fly, even though you are spawn of the devil.

I'm not sure this is good advice.

Philboid Studge · 11-11-2008, 08:44 AM

Telling your mom you are 'spawn of the devil' is like calling yourself a son of a bitch.

Choobus · 11-11-2008, 09:16 AM

Sternwallow · 11-11-2008, 11:28 AM

Quote:

Philboid Studge wrote

Telling your mom you are 'spawn of the devil' is like calling yourself a son of a bitch.

In my case, that would have been an attractive alternative.

nkb · 11-11-2008, 02:53 PM

I'm probably not the best to give advice on this, since I've never openly talked to my mother about it.

Even though she is not very religious, she nevertheless believes in God, and, although she, deep down inside, must know I am a non-believer, she is a master of wishful thinking sometimes when it's convenient.

She doesn't want to confront it, and I don't see the point in forcing it.

I can't remember how old you said you were. If you are young, and still love at home, it may not be prudent to pursue it now.

11-11-2008, 05:07 PM

Quote:

nkb wrote

I'm probably not the best to give advice on this, since I've never openly talked to my mother about it.

Even though she is not very religious, she nevertheless believes in God, and, although she, deep down inside, must know I am a non-believer, she is a master of wishful thinking sometimes when it's convenient.

She doesn't want to confront it, and I don't see the point in forcing it.

I can't remember how old you said you were. If you are young, and still love at home, it may not be prudent to pursue it now.

I do not believe I have mentioned my age. Maybe it would be easier to formulate an answer to my question if I reveal my true age. I am only 17 im afraid.

In all maybe it would be better just to keep my mouth shut and sit in silence as she makes usless comments about "god".

Sternwallow · 11-11-2008, 05:29 PM

Quote:

NickTheAtheist wrote

I do not believe I have mentioned my age. Maybe it would be easier to formulate an answer to my question if I reveal my true age. I am only 17 im afraid.

In all maybe it would be better just to keep my mouth shut and sit in silence as she makes usless comments about "god".

Hey, nothing wrong with being 17! I passed three of them a while back and I sure could use some of that stamina and foolish fearlessness again.

Mom: Whenever I am in a jam, like last month when we were short for the mortgage payment, God does something and just the amount I need comes as a windfall. He sure is watching out for us. How wonderful God is! You should pray more often if only to express your gratitude for His bounty.

Me: Yep, He must be watching all right. In times like that, there always seems to still be a bond or two in my college fund that I can cash and slip the money to you, which I do secretly because I know you don't want to dip into what little remains of that fund Dad set up before he left us.

I hope Dad asks God about why He puts you in tight financial straits so you need help, in the first place.

nkb · 11-11-2008, 05:47 PM

Quote:

NickTheAtheist wrote

I do not believe I have mentioned my age. Maybe it would be easier to formulate an answer to my question if I reveal my true age. I am only 17 im afraid.

In all maybe it would be better just to keep my mouth shut and sit in silence as she makes usless comments about "god".

I obviously don't know your mother, or how she would react, but I would advise you to not go looking for a confrontation.

A gradual reveal, which seems inevitable anyway, sounds like a better plan.

calpurnpiso · 11-11-2008, 09:08 PM

Quote:

NickTheAtheist wrote

I do not believe I have mentioned my age. Maybe it would be easier to formulate an answer to my question if I reveal my true age. I am only 17 im afraid.

In all maybe it would be better just to keep my mouth shut and sit in silence as she makes usless comments about "god".

Well go along with her like you would go along with a person suffering from schizotypal disorder or dementia. Christ-psychotics must be help not challenge in their delusions.

All my family is infected with the disorder, so I do not argue with them....simply acquiesce when their Christ-psychosis delirium disturbs their reasoning & quietly leave the room. This makes everyone happy & prevents one from loosing an inheritance. NKB has the right idea IMHEO....