How Did They Fit On The Ark

09-26-2005, 08:52 PM

Questioning how all of the animals fit on the Ark has brought about Theist Violence to some members of our community (GS?). Finally Fafblog answers the question

Quote:

Great Moments in History, 3000 B.C.: Dinosaurs Board the Ark

"I dunno if this is gonna work, God," says me.

"Wattayamean, it's not gonna work!" says God. "I'm God! Of course it's gonna work!"

"Well I'm just not sure if you can fit em all," says me. "The brachiosaurs weigh fifty tons each just by themselves an that's not countin the other seven hundred dinosaur species we gotta get on the boat."

"Well of COURSE they're not gonna fit if you bring 'em on full SIZE!" says God. "First you gotta let em dry out so's they shrink back down to their original pill form. THEN, once the flood's over, you take 'em back outta the package, add water, and watch 'em grow!"

"Well," says me. "I GUESS that could work."

"Trust me," says God. "I had like fifty of these things when I was a kid. The first thing you do..."

"RRRAAAAAARRRRRRHHHHH!" says the T-rex chompin God.

"AAAA!" says me runnin away.

"OH GOD!" says God. "So many teeth!"

I love fafblog

09-27-2005, 06:45 AM

The other possibility is that the inside of Noah's Ark was much larger than the outside :D

vsxd903s · 09-27-2005, 07:01 AM

I always wondered who fed all these animals and cleaned up their shit.

Tenspace · 09-27-2005, 08:22 AM

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kmisho wrote

The other possibility is that the inside of Noah's Ark was much larger than the outside :D

That would require manipulation of spacetime, something that wasn't around back in biblical times. :)

09-27-2005, 01:24 PM

Quote:

Tenspace wrote

Quote:

kmisho wrote

The other possibility is that the inside of Noah's Ark was much larger than the outside :D

That would require manipulation of spacetime, something that wasn't around back in biblical times. :)

I wonder how Noah got to the North and South Poles. How did he get around the globe and capture 2 of every insect. I think there would be millions of diffent plants and animals.

A fundie in my family says god sent the animals to Noah, but how did the plants swim over.. Can you see all these animal swimming across all the oceans? What a dumb ass.

I think Noah had a spaceship going the speed of light, don't you???

Rhinoqulous · 09-27-2005, 01:43 PM

Quote:

miata wrote

Quote:

Tenspace wrote

Quote:

kmisho wrote

The other possibility is that the inside of Noah's Ark was much larger than the outside :D

That would require manipulation of spacetime, something that wasn't around back in biblical times. :)

I wonder how Noah got to the North and South Poles. How did he get around the globe and capture 2 of every insect. I think there would be millions of diffent plants and animals.

A fundie in my family says god sent the animals to Noah, but how did the plants swim over.. Can you see all these animal swimming across all the oceans? What a dumb ass.

I think Noah had a spaceship going the speed of light, don't you???

It's obvious that Santa gathered all the animals for Noah with his magic sleigh and reindeer. That's why we celebrate the ancient birth of Santa every X-mas.

09-27-2005, 01:59 PM

Damn you are good. I knew there was a real Santa.

ghoulslime · 09-27-2005, 11:16 PM

Ghoulslime is going to be back to this one tomorrow.

Sternwallow · 09-27-2005, 11:23 PM

Quote:

Tenspace wrote

That would require manipulation of spacetime, something that wasn't around back in biblical times.

Ever since the first woman's handbag there have been things much bigger inside than out. Perhaps Noah used one of them for a model. You can bet that feeding the animals and shoveling poop fell to the four women.

09-27-2005, 11:37 PM

Ah yeh, I was sayin about this in another thread - apprently god told Noah how to contruct his arc like the Tardis.

09-28-2005, 05:44 AM

I think thw whole story is just a fable, not meant to be accepted as fact.

09-28-2005, 08:39 AM

I thought the accepted solution to this problem was "Because God made it possible". Actually that pretty much answers any question of logical implausability... "God said so" and "God made it so" I think covers any logical argument against the Catholic religion.

09-28-2005, 08:53 AM

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Devedander wrote

I thought the accepted solution to this problem was "Because God made it possible". Actually that pretty much answers any question of logical implausability... "God said so" and "God made it so" I think covers any logical argument against the Catholic religion.

Good point why was Noah even bothered?

09-28-2005, 08:56 AM

Because God CAN does not mean God WILL or God Wants to.

It's like the old "Can God make a rock so heavy he can't lift it?" question...

The answer is "Yes.... if He wants to."

If you squint really hard and look at it sideways it works.

09-28-2005, 09:15 AM

Quote:

Devedander wrote

Because God CAN does not mean God WILL or God Wants to.

It's like the old "Can God make a rock so heavy he can't lift it?" question...

The answer is "Yes.... if He wants to."

If you squint really hard and look at it sideways it works.

So gods a lazy ass hole? What a jerk, he is going to kill everyone in the world, but then tells poor old Noah to build a bloody ark and get every animal on that cursed boat...Disregarding how he got one of every plant/small insect on the ark, the flooding of the entire world in 30 days would half to be an exsisive ammount of watter, more then the world contains now.....