Honest Mondrian's Gambling Joint

[mondrian]

A few years ago, I used to work for a company that was really going places. We doubled our staffing level every 2 years until we got some cunt who became our new MD. Pillock changed the company's strategy and we went down the shitter in double-quick time.

I was at the wrong time in my life as was the case for a few of us. Some still haven't found jobs and have been 'doleys' for so long, it's untrue.

I decided that I could go on the dole, bitch and moan about how life was so unfair and lead some meagre kind of existence or I could do something else with my miserable self.

I took a couple of years out and did some research.

Most pubs, if not all, have what used to be termed 'One Armed Bandits/Fruit machines'. You put your money in the slot, pulled the arm - which spun some wheels, and, when the wheels stopped, you lost. Lethal evil fuckers they are. There's more chance of finding a virgin in a brothel than winning money on those nasty sons of bitches.

These days, they are called FOBTs - Fixed Odds Betting Terminals. Yup, they have changed their name but, essentially, they are still one armed bandits, you still can't win and those bastards are just as evil as their predecessors.

Ain't suggesting that this hallowed place install FOBTs but. let's face it, a pub without some form of gambling just ain't a pub.

What did I research in the couple of years I took off?

Horse racing. I became a full-time gambler - except I didn't (gamble that is).

Go into any high street bookies and you'll see society's dregs in there. It's pathetic. Poor sods ain't got clue 1. They are just fodder for Willbrokes. Join that set and that's what you'll end up being - broke.

Me?

Horse racing ain't about horses. It's about numbers. I just play the percentages and, long-term, make a profit. This is my 10th. year as a pro. That's how come I can post on this forum whenever I want. I don't have to pay homage to some fuckwit of a boss with the IQ of a plant and the morals of an alley cat on heat.

So why horses and not casinos or the slots.

Cos you can't win long term on any of these. These games have an in-built advantage in the house's favour.

Why horses?

Well, you lot are smart enough to figure it out so go figure.

Anyway, the yearly over-commercialised and sickening pigfest is almost upon us and that means money is required so that we can all over stuff our faces with food and drink ourselves into a stupa (which is a Sanskrit word meaning heap).

To that end, I intend to post a daily tip on here.

Maybe we can make a profit and maybe not. Let's see.

Here's today's Tip:

14:05 Ffos Las - Rollin Maul (To LOSE!!) - 1 point.

[Smellyoldgit]

What odds can I get on Spurs & West Brom doing a manager swap?
(I would find it amusing for the Baggies to have a Villa at the helm!)

[Kinich Ahau]

Interesting, I also make a little bit of money each year from a system I developed for the dishlickers. No form to follow, it's purely based on statistics. I collected data for a year before I ever put a cent into it. I've been doing it for about eight years and made a profit every one of those years.

[Kinich Ahau]

I see Rollin Maul is running in about half an hour, watching with interest!

[mondrian]

Kinich Ahau wrote

Interesting, I also make a little bit of money each year from a system I developed for the dishlickers. No form to follow, it's purely based on statistics. I collected data for a year before I ever put a cent into it. I've been doing it for about eight years and made a profit every one of those years.

'Kinich not know, Kinich just pawn in game of life.'

Kinich not pawn. Kinich pretty fart smeller methinks, no?

I did exactly the same. No betting - just collected data for a year or so.

I had a chat with Steve Tilley (of Archie Score fame) not long ago. He told me that lots of peeps go live with < 100 tested selections - the fuckwits. No wonder 98% of all gamblers lose.

[mondrian]

Smellyoldgit wrote

What odds can I get on Spurs & West Brom doing a manager swap?
(I would find it amusing for the Baggies to have a Villa at the helm!)

Depends what they are gonna swap their managers for.

I phoned up Don Revie one day and said ''Ere Don, what time does the game start today?' He said, 'What time can you get here for?'

When I was a lad, I once got caught climbing over the barriers surrounding Elland Road. Evil fucking stewards made me get back in.

Once went to see Leeds Utd play Liverpool. The Liverpool supporters, as usual, were singing 'You'll never walk alone' (bless) whilst the the Leeds Utd supporters were singer, at the top of their voices, 'You'll never walk AGAIN!'.

One day, Leeds were playing Everton. Brian Labone got the ball, in went Norman (Bites yer leg) Hunter. Labone went down and never moved. Jack Charlton pulled Hunter away and then went to see how Labone was. He went back to Hunter with a sad and grim face. Hunter said, how is he Jack? Charlton said, 'Tha's killed him, Norman, tha's killed him'.

Ahh, those were the days when men were men and sheep were worried.

[mondrian]

Kinich Ahau wrote

I see Rollin Maul is running in about half an hour, watching with interest!

And Rolling Maul opens @ 5/2 and gets backed off the boards and gets sent off 6/4 favourite and doesn't even place in a 9 horse race over hurdles. Shock or what?

Well, that's 1 up to us good guys (dances).

Will post another tip tomorrow.

[Kinich Ahau]

Unfortunately on the wagering site I'm a member of one can't bet against nags. Well done though. I watched the race, the rider murdered it, ran ten wide all the way.

[mondrian]

Kinich Ahau wrote

Unfortunately on the wagering site I'm a member of one can't bet against nags. Well done though. I watched the race, the rider murdered it, ran ten wide all the way.

Betdaq/Betfair?

[mondrian]

Kinich Ahau wrote

Unfortunately on the wagering site I'm a member of one can't bet against nags. Well done though. I watched the race, the rider murdered it, ran ten wide all the way.

Ain't sayin' a bleedin' word.

The race report reads: Held up behind in touch, headway on outside 6th, soon in touch, ridden and weakened 2 out, tailed off opened 5/2.

You are gonna see the bit I underlined happen a lot with my tips

[mondrian]

Smellyoldgit wrote

What odds can I get on Spurs & West Brom doing a manager swap?
(I would find it amusing for the Baggies to have a Villa at the helm!)

OK, Ricardo, what odds would you like?

Man Utd once had a German newspaper playing for them.

[mondrian]

Kinich Ahau wrote

Unfortunately on the wagering site I'm a member of one can't bet against nags. Well done though. I watched the race, the rider murdered it, ran ten wide all the way.

The problem that I have with backing is the LLR - usually between 20 and 30. Getting into one of those ain't good for the nervous system - nor the pocket. That's why I much prefer laying.

One of my laying systems is almost 4 years old. Max LLR = 4.

[ILOVEJESUS]

I am interested in this. I used to play poker for a living when I had more time, won a fair bit. Could you PM me what you do in a "for dummies" fashion. Never got into this "laying" but I have a mate who does this a lot with football. Anyhoo hope to hear more.

[mondrian]

ILOVEJESUS wrote

I am interested in this. I used to play poker for a living when I had more time, won a fair bit. Could you PM me what you do in a "for dummies" fashion. Never got into this "laying" but I have a mate who does this a lot with football. Anyhoo hope to hear more.

PMd.

[mondrian]

ILOVEJESUS wrote

I am interested in this. I used to play poker for a living when I had more time, won a fair bit. Could you PM me what you do in a "for dummies" fashion. Never got into this "laying" but I have a mate who does this a lot with football. Anyhoo hope to hear more.

I ain't good enough to play poker. I take my hat off to anyone who plays the game well.