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11-23-2009, 09:10 AM
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#1 |
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Mistress Monster Mod'rator Spy
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: The North Coast
Posts: 15,428
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Holiday Traditions/Self Defense
Does anyone else here have any holiday "traditions" or things you have to do to keep sanity and/or peace during holiday (family) gatherings?
When my sociopathic sister-in-law comes for meals, we cannot put out plates, silverware, or serving utensils until it is time to come to the table to sit and partake of the feast. Otherwise, she'll scoop out all her sides, and has been known to slice off chunks of meat from whatever centerpiece dish is out. When asked why, she shrugs and acts like that is perfectly normal behavior and proceeds to treat everyone to some spectacular rudeness for the duration of the meal, since she was attacked first. Last year she came into the kitchen and started opening a drawer to get a spoon or something (the knives were in plain sight, so I'm guessing here) so I slammed it shut on her. Almost got the fingers. "Oh! I'm sorry! I was so busy concentrating on, um, not spilling my drink that I didn't see you there, in my drawers, where you shouldn't be." When she started on the rude shit, I turned everything she mentioned into some bizarre secret code for wanting to get into my drawers. It quickly became quite a pleasant evening with her, for all intensive purposes, gagged. I can't wait for Thursday!! Gobble gobble! "I do not intend to tiptoe through life only to arrive safely at death." Some drink at the fountain of knowledge. Others just gargle. |
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11-23-2009, 09:20 AM
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#2 | |
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Senior Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 860
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I am so insanely glad that my other half is an only child o.o (though he does have two step-sisters whom I have never met and refuse to meet on the grounds that even he can't stand them. His stepbrother though, is lovely.
Quote:
Charles Darwin.
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11-23-2009, 09:25 AM
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#3 |
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I Live Here
Join Date: May 2007
Location: So Cal
Posts: 5,193
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Poison h'ors devours? Alarms on the drawers? Retrain the dog to guard the kitchen? Have the meal at her place? Upstage the drama with a tantrum of your own?
Does she have allergies? Can she hold her booze? Never give a zombie girl a piggy back ride. |
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11-23-2009, 09:28 AM
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#4 |
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Mistress Monster Mod'rator Spy
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: The North Coast
Posts: 15,428
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I've taken to following her around every gathering, here or elsewhere, drink in hand, and staring. It makes her leave quicker. She can have the drama, I'll be the quiet one right behind her...
"I do not intend to tiptoe through life only to arrive safely at death." Some drink at the fountain of knowledge. Others just gargle. |
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11-23-2009, 09:31 AM
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#5 |
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I Live Here
Join Date: May 2007
Location: So Cal
Posts: 5,193
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Stalking is good. Does your brother complain.
Never give a zombie girl a piggy back ride. |
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11-23-2009, 09:38 AM
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#6 | ||
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General of the Attacking Army
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Pittsburgh
Posts: 12,904
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Quote:
Quote:
I will grieve. Grief is not a theistic concept. ~ Sternwallow |
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11-23-2009, 09:41 AM
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#7 | |
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Mistress Monster Mod'rator Spy
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: The North Coast
Posts: 15,428
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Quote:
And no, I have no idea as to why he hasn't left her. Except for the axe murdering bit. "I do not intend to tiptoe through life only to arrive safely at death." Some drink at the fountain of knowledge. Others just gargle. |
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11-23-2009, 10:05 AM
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#8 |
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Super Moderator
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Puerto Rico
Posts: 9,775
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we will make our almost world famous smoked mummified turkey. it is THAT yummy. even the stuffing, with wild rice and bread and good thingies, is extra awesome.
some rice and beans, potato salad, and pumpking flan, lotsa beer and we're set. oh and our gold medal winners, atomic buffalo turds. always atomic buffalo turds. we're so famous people are calling us and inviting themselves, and bringing unknown people over, so they can partake. it's all good One of the most irrational of all the conventions of modern society is the one to the effect that religious opinions should be respected....That they should have this immunity is an outrage. There is nothing in religious ideas, as a class, to lift them above other ideas. On the contrary, they are always dubious and often quite silly. H. L. Mencken |
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11-23-2009, 10:10 AM
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#9 | |
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He who walks among the theists
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: The Big D
Posts: 12,119
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Quote:
By the way, who is picking me up at the airport when I come in for the feast? I'm bringing my extended family. "The fact that a believer is happier than a skeptic is no more to the point than the fact that a drunken man is happier than a sober one." George Bernard Shaw |
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11-23-2009, 10:27 AM
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#10 | |
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I Live Here
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Around the way
Posts: 12,641
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Quote:
"So many gods, so many creeds! So many paths that wind and wind, when just the art of being kind is all this sad world needs." --Ella Wheeler Wilcox |
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11-23-2009, 01:54 PM
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#11 |
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Mistress Monster Mod'rator Spy
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: The North Coast
Posts: 15,428
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In preparation of the evening's shenanigans, I have replaced the darling sampler I embroidered when I was six with the creepy painting of Great great great great Aunt Dye in my dining room. She will be glowering over the feast.
"I do not intend to tiptoe through life only to arrive safely at death." Some drink at the fountain of knowledge. Others just gargle. |
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11-23-2009, 03:19 PM
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#12 | ||
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Senior Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 860
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Quote:
Quote:
Charles Darwin.
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11-23-2009, 03:33 PM
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#13 |
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Mistress Monster Mod'rator Spy
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: The North Coast
Posts: 15,428
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It's very Victorian. Passed along the generations. My brothers are afraid of her. So she just has to be at dinner!
I'll try to get it uploaded tomorrow. Me and the rum are having a moment. OK, maybe this will work.   She's at the head of the table. "I do not intend to tiptoe through life only to arrive safely at death." Some drink at the fountain of knowledge. Others just gargle. |
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11-23-2009, 03:47 PM
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#14 |
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I Live Here
Join Date: May 2007
Location: So Cal
Posts: 5,193
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Oh Kate, that is awesome. Will you be at the head with Great Aunt over your shoulder a la Harold and Maude?
Never give a zombie girl a piggy back ride. |
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11-23-2009, 03:58 PM
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#15 |
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Mistress Monster Mod'rator Spy
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: The North Coast
Posts: 15,428
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Absolutely!
 "I do not intend to tiptoe through life only to arrive safely at death." Some drink at the fountain of knowledge. Others just gargle. |
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