What is happening to my son?

gumby · 01-02-2013, 06:13 AM

Hello everybody,

I hoped you might be able to help me understand what is happening to my son and how to help him. He grew up in a religious home, but declared himself agnostic in his teens and atheist about a year ago.

Recently he told me he was having some sort of mental "mid-life crisis."

It seems to do a lot with trying to understand and reckon life as an atheist. I know it's (usually) cliché, but dang... I really do have a unhappy atheist on my hands.

He began an anti-depressant/anti-anxiety Rx a month ago and isn't sure if it helps. I think a higher dose might help though. When he first labeled himself agnostic, he explained it in positive terms, but it hasn't been the same making the jump to atheism.

He feels alone and says that only his atheist girlfriend can relate. I suggested talking to another friend, but he didn't think that person was a 'really serious' atheist. I've also suggested seeing a social worker or psychologist, but he thinks the ONLY mental health professional that could help him must also be an atheist. I think a decent professional would be able to help him sort out his thoughts no matter their personal views. What do you think? I'm sort of at a loss...

psychodiva · 01-02-2013, 06:19 AM

Hi- this project- assuming you are in the USA - may be useful to your son

Secular Therapist project

if you are in the UK then any professional counsellor or psychologist is not allowed to bring their own religious beliefs into the therapy. i can't comment on anywhere else I'm afraid.

Depression is depression- it isn't generally anything to do with religious beliefs or not although they may be a factor in the overall picture- there is more than likely a lot more going on in his life than just religion / lack of religion and that aspect os probably just a symptom of what else is going on.

nkb · 01-02-2013, 06:24 AM

Troll!

psychodiva · 01-02-2013, 06:25 AM

may well be- but I have a tendency to answer counselling type questions with honest answers- can't help it

I go into professional mode

Smellyoldgit · 01-02-2013, 06:32 AM

Sounds as if he's under-nourished. Probably need to leave the skin on the babies, but rub in more fresh garlic & coriander before you drop the squirming wretches in the boiling pot.

psychodiva · 01-02-2013, 06:35 AM

Boiling? unless you use the broth afterwards all the nutrition is gone when you boil them!! Roast is better

psychodiva · 01-02-2013, 06:38 AM

Gumby!!

gumby · 01-02-2013, 07:04 AM

Thanks psychodiva - I think you are right that depression is depression, but she links what is happening to whatever is going on in her head right now. One thing I've thought is that a/theism is all about the possibility of an after life and she has been watching a grandpa slowly die from ALS the past 1.5 years. It is difficult to talk to her about all this because she gets defensive easily. Maybe I need to encourage her to talk online more to atheists in forums that are more serious. I think she is in a fairly okay one. Thanks for the thoughts.

Irreligious · 01-02-2013, 07:05 AM

Quote:

gumby wrote

Hello everybody,

I hoped you might be able to help me understand what is happening to my son and how to help him. He grew up in a religious home, but declared himself agnostic in his teens and atheist about a year ago.

Hello, gumby.

We don't know your son. So why would you, in all seriousness, expect us to know anything about his problem?

Quote:

gumby wrote

Recently he told me he was having some sort of mental "mid-life crisis."

It seems to do a lot with trying to understand and reckon life as an atheist. I know it's (usually) cliché, but dang... I really do have a unhappy atheist on my hands.

If it bothers your son to be an atheist, why can't he just stoke his own faith? Isn't that what all religious folk do? If it makes him happier to believe he has a guardian angel or an invisible savior dedicated to ensuring that he will live forever in bliss after he dies, why wouldn't he just cling to that belief? What's stopping him? Other people who don't share that belief? How is this their fault?

Quote:

gumby wrote

He began an anti-depressant/anti-anxiety Rx a month ago and isn't sure if it helps. I think a higher dose might help though. When he first labeled himself agnostic, he explained it in positive terms, but it hasn't been the same making the jump to atheism.

Your son might have other problems that have nothing to do with his apparent inability to adopt your faith as his own. Of course, there's no way we could know what his problem is, as we've never met him. You're his parent. If you think a higher dose of anti-depressants might help your son cope, consult with his physician. If he or she agrees, then follow that course.

Or you can opt for an exorcism, if you think it will help. Again, you would know better than we.

Quote:

gumby wrote

He feels alone and says that only his atheist girlfriend can relate. I suggested talking to another friend, but he didn't think that person was a 'really serious' atheist. I've also suggested seeing a social worker or psychologist, but he thinks the ONLY mental health professional that could help him must also be an atheist. I think a decent professional would be able to help him sort out his thoughts no matter their personal views. What do you think? I'm sort of at a loss...

So are we. As a longtime atheist who has never demanded atheist bonafides from the health professionals under whose care I have been placed, I cannot relate to your son's dilemma.

I've been treated by Christians of various stripes, Hindus, Muslims and even a Buddhist dentist once. I could not care less about the faith (or lack, thereof) of any of these individuals. I just wanted to be assured that they all were competent to conduct their medical business.

gumby · 01-02-2013, 07:07 AM

BTW, this is really my daughter, not son. I didn't want her to maybe come here and identify her situation, but I forgot.

gumby · 01-02-2013, 07:11 AM

Quote:

If it bothers your son to be an atheist, why can't he just stoke his own faith? Isn't that what all religious folk do? If it makes him happier to believe he has a guardian angel or an invisible savior dedicated to ensuring that he will live forever in bliss after he dies, why wouldn't he just cling to that belief? What's stopping him? Other people who don't share that belief? How is this their fault?

My guess is because she care about finding out what is true more than what makes her feel good. (BTW, religous people do this also.)

gumby · 01-02-2013, 07:16 AM

Quote:

Your son might have other problems that have nothing to do with his apparent inability to adopt your faith as his own.

Comments like this are why people like me (those wanting sincere discussion) don't come to places like this. I'll leave you to your passive-aggressive posting with others.

Irreligious · 01-02-2013, 07:21 AM

Quote:

gumby wrote

My guess is because she care about finding out what is true more than what makes her feel good. (BTW, religous people do this also.)

Inherently, there is no truth in unsupported claims, only faith or a lack, thereof.

You either have faith, or you don't. And if you don't have it, but you really, really need it, it sure seems easy enough to acquire. In the absence of evidence, there are literally thousands of suppositions out there, as it regards the unknowable.

Maybe your daughter (is it now?) might want to explore some others outside of the many Christian traditions.

Would that make you depressed?

Irreligious · 01-02-2013, 07:24 AM

Quote:

gumby wrote

Comments like this are why people like me (those wanting sincere discussion) don't come to places like this. I'll leave you to your passive-aggressive posting with others.

I think what you're doing is pretty passive-agressive. You still haven't answered why you think we should know anything about your son/daughter's problem. We don't know him or her.

ILOVEJESUS · 01-02-2013, 08:32 AM

You child is depressed because they are an atheist? Depression is a spectrum dear boy, and there are a hell of a lot of contributing factors to it. Not believing in God tends to be uplifting. The fact a loved one is slowly dying may be more conducive to his mental state. There could be a host of other issues, social, parental, work like etc etc. Religion may help some people by coating their problems in sugar and spice, but I don't see why not believing would be a catalyst for long term depressive behaviour. More than likely linked to other issues.