The Incredible Edible Jesus

[ghoulslime]

If Jesus comes back, can somebody let me know right away. I've sort of lost interest in waiting for him.

[ghoulslime]

Jesus had a donkey. He rode it every day. And when he rode his donkey, this is what he'd say:

Oh, gobble, gobble, bum-fuck hobble, shall we stop to play?
I will fuck you in your mouth, if you will look my way!

[Sinfidel]

ghoulslime wrote

If Jesus comes back, can somebody let me know right away. I've sort of lost interest in waiting for him.

[ghoulslime]

When Jesus comes back, I'm going tell him, "Jesus, you move in such mysterious ways! You are truly so mysterious and awesome!"

Then Jesus will be all like, "Ghoulslime, why are you soooooo cool? You're just sooooo cool, and Jesus wants you to sit at his side in heaven, so sayeth the lord!"

[ghoulslime]

Daily Meditations by Ghoulslime

If God were both benevolent and omnipotent, there would always be a complete roll of toilet paper on the toilet paper roll holder.

[ghoulslime]

When Jesus comes again, surely he will smell like apple-wood-smoked bacon.

[AtomJack]

ghoulslime wrote

Daily Meditations by Ghoulslime

If God were both benevolent and omnipotent, there would always be a complete roll of toilet paper on the toilet paper roll holder.

If God were both benevolent and omnipotent, one wouldn't even have to wipe one's ass! Intelligent design my...ass.

[Smellyoldgit]

[AtomJack]

I had a Maltese dog that ate a $1 bill. We found it in her poop. That had to hurt.

[Smellyoldgit]

Painfully eating a complete bog roll is the nearest I can get to a self-wiping arrangement.
I wonder if Brussel sprouts would work?

[AtomJack]

If you could stand the gas pains, maybe. Brussels sprouts act like cabbage, with me, not in proportion. One sprout works like on head of cabbage. Back in the day of carburetors, if I ate a bowl of sprouts, I would be able to sit on the carburetor and supply your fuel.

[ghoulslime]

AtomJack wrote

If God were both benevolent and omnipotent, one wouldn't even have to wipe one's ass! Intelligent design my...ass.

I have actually pondered that, while sitting on the crapper. Why not just let everything photosynthesize? What kind of sick and twisted fiend would purposefully design an ecosystem that requires one sentient creature to eat another one in order to live? More importantly, how could a benevolent god allow somebody's fingers to break through the toilet paper while they are trying to wipe their ass?

[ghoulslime]

AtomJack wrote

I had a Maltese dog that ate a $1 bill. We found it in her poop. That had to hurt.

My neighbor's dog once ate the tinsel off of their Xmas tree. There were the most delightful twinkling turds scattered around the neighborhood in the snow. What a truly merry Christmas! The Lord surely works in marvelous ways.

[AtomJack]

I saw this thread. Lots of advice. I searched here but didn't seem to be able to turn anything similar up.

http://www.thethinkingatheist.com/fo...hlight=crumple

And "The Sparkling Turds" would be a great band name.

[Smellyoldgit]

You're givin' me ideas ....
.... but at $425 per shit - fuck it, the dog can just eat the tinsel!