The Atheist Poems Thread

[Tenspace]

Roses are reddish
Violets are bluish
If it weren't for Jesus
We'd ALL be Jewish

[Choobus]

Maybe some rap music will help get the younger generation interested in Jesus Christ


He's the Son of God, but will he make you rich?
Hell no mother fucker, he's a son of a bitch
There was no virgin birth, no king in a manger
just a back alley ho getting fucked by strangers
He grew up in the streets selling blow and pimping,
come for some healing and that's when you'll start limping
He didn't feed the poor, he didn't cure the sick
unless you count bitches getting down on his dick
He used to hang with his homies and some mystery spook
and a gay mother fucker who called himself Luke
One day after dinner J was banging his whore
when he was taken away by the mother fucking law
A rat gave him up, it was one of his crew
As the spook always said, you can't trust no Jew
At his Crucifiction, he cried out to his pops
yo, why you let me get nailed up by these wops?
As J man was dying, Luke took off his thong
you'll like this J man, I kept my pimp hand strong.

[ghoulslime]

Choobus wrote

Maybe some rap music will help get the younger generation interested in Jesus Christ


He's the Son of God, but will he make you rich?
Hell no mother fucker, he's a son of a bitch
There was no virgin birth, no king in a manger
just a back alley ho getting fucked by strangers
He grew up in the streets selling blow and pimping,
come for some healing and that's when you'll start limping
He didn't feed the poor, he didn't cure the sick
unless you count bitches getting down on his dick
He used to hang with his homies and some mystery spook
and a gay mother fucker who called himself Luke
One day after dinner J was banging his whore
when he was taken away by the mother fucking law
A rat gave him up, it was one of his crew
As the spook always said, you can't trust no Jew
At his Crucifiction, he cried out to his pops
yo, why you let me get nailed up by these wops?
As J man was dying, Luke took off his thong
you'll like this J man, I kept my pimp hand strong.

Kind sir, as with much good poetry, I feel that there might be certain points in this excellent work which would be better illuminated by some interpretive elaboration, one point at hand being the line, “just a back alley ho getting fucked by strangers”.

Is this to say that the mother of Jesus was a ho engaged in sexual liaison with unknown persons within the setting of a back alley, or would it be correct to interpret this line as meaning Jesus’ mother was a ho receiving said liaison in a rearward fashion, via the back alley, in a figurative sense such as one who might pack the fudge or take the chocolate choo choo through the tunnel of love?

These things I wonder, and more.

[Choobus]

Although it is thought to be the case that Jesus' mother did indeed accept sausage consignments via the back entrance, in this case the phrase "just a back alley ho getting fucked by strangers" is meant to offer a counter perspective to the concept of a virgin birth. That is to say, repeated sexual encounters of the kind that take place in back alley's in exchange for payment often do not take into account possible consequences, such as contracting a STD (sexually transmitted deity). Theologians continue to debate this sticky point.

[ghoulslime]

*ponders*
*ponders harder*

I got nothing. I'm liking that cookie, though.

[ghoulslime]

raedar wrote

*ponders*
*ponders harder*

I got nothing. I'm liking that cookie, though.

That cookie definitely has a sugary little boner that would make anyone want to love Jesus.

Choobus wrote

Maybe some rap music will help get the younger generation interested in Jesus Christ


He's the Son of God, but will he make you rich?
Hell no mother fucker, he's a son of a bitch
There was no virgin birth, no king in a manger
just a back alley ho getting fucked by strangers
He grew up in the streets selling blow and pimping,
come for some healing and that's when you'll start limping
He didn't feed the poor, he didn't cure the sick
unless you count bitches getting down on his dick
He used to hang with his homies and some mystery spook
and a gay mother fucker who called himself Luke
One day after dinner J was banging his whore
when he was taken away by the mother fucking law
A rat gave him up, it was one of his crew
As the spook always said, you can't trust no Jew
At his Crucifiction, he cried out to his pops
yo, why you let me get nailed up by these wops?
As J man was dying, Luke took off his thong
you'll like this J man, I kept my pimp hand strong.

Hey, I like that one! Nail on the head

FYI, about the sonnet I posted - I first came across it here at RA itself

raedar wrote

*ponders*
*ponders harder*

I got nothing. I'm liking that cookie, though.

Ponder?

Hmm... pounding?

skribb wrote

Ponder?

Hmm... pounding?

I'd like to be pounded by that sugary boner. But only if Jesus says it's cool with him.

Jesus knows no bounds. A 2000 year old zombie has lost all sense of his former decency!

[ghoulslime]

raedar wrote

I'd like to be pounded by that sugary boner. But only if Jesus says it's cool with him.

Jesus would be delighted to frost your muffin. He's a sweet little bastard.

ghoulslime wrote

Jesus would be delighted to frost your muffin. He's a sweet little bastard.

It's good to know we have a merciful God, who doesn't have anything against some good old-fashioned poundage.

[Kate]

Well, pounding and sugary goodness inspired a search for "marzipan jesus". I got this.
Now, the original site declined to show the image, and it's under "museum of hoaxes" or some such.

All I know is, if these are real marzipan delights, I would SO have a dish on my coffeetable at holiday gatherings.

[ubs]

Kate wrote

Oh God Kate. Can you imagine? And while your guests look on, you pick one up and eat it.