The Incredible Edible Jesus

[ghoulslime]

Homo Sapiens have been personifying the idiosyncrasies of cosmic chaos for a long time now. From wind, to sunshine, to the gurgling sound in their tummies before they go plop plop, literally every definable and imagined parameter of human existence has been assigned to the commission of one supernatural entity or another. One must concede the awesome amplitude of imagination and creative genius that has been expended into inventing and embellishing supernatural beings through the ages. The devious ingenuity of the conmen of religious invention is astounding. Imagine the daunting task of inventing a mighty spirit that was believable enough to make people do what you say, and even give all of their shit to you! It's laudable.

Of all of the spooks, spirits, and almighty beings that humans have invented for themselves over the years, arguably, one of the most self-contradicting, silly, and thoroughly unbelievable is the carpenter zombie of blood drinkers' lore, Jesus H Christ. It is not so much the absurdity of this mythical being, as it is the ubiquitous presence and influence of the vile religious beliefs of its followers in every aspect of my daily life, that makes the son of the Virgin Mary my favorite imaginary friend to make fun of. Amongst the many gods to choose from, the multifarious, benevolent, and nefarious personifications of delusional human hope for more than mortality, I have chosen Jesus as the topic of this thread.

Now there are some of you who are probably thinking, "Ghoulslime, we have been over this before." (And we have gone over this before, on threads, here and there.) But please allow me to interject at this point to anyone questioning the wisdom of the foundation of this grand thread, fuck you, smoke my cock, drink my piss, jack me off, and suck my asshole with a milkshake straw. We have sporadically discussed this mystical-kosher-Sunday-snack god, scattering the bits and pieces of His holy holey meat lore to the four winds, until it would require a Herculean feat to gather this precious data into one comprehensive tiding of great joy. It is my sincere hope, that this tiny thread, now lying in the manger, might grow to become a mighty mother of all Jesus threads, god-fucked and Virgin-sacred as Mithra's mother's woo woo.

It is my sincere hope that this thread will be a sanctuary for discussion of the origins of the Jesus myth and mythology that is the foundation of Christianity. I pray to the Leprechauns that it will be so. This is not intended to be solely a bathroom wall for smearing poo pictures of Jesus on. I think the origins of Christ insanity are fascinating. Of course, blood drinkers are welcome to participate, but I doubt many will be stupid enough or optimistic enough to participate in discussion of this subject matter.



Well, let's start shaking Jesus' swaddling clothes, and see what falls out!

[Philboid Studge]

But poo pictures aren't completely off the table are they?



I said butt poo.

[lostsheep]

I have to say, the idea that god gave birth to himself, then sacrificed himself, so that he could forgive us for our sins and our imperfections (for which said god is ultimately responsible for) is patently absurd. Also the idea that this perfect god needs a blood sacrifice in order to forgive us for our imperfections. Could he not just forgive us without punishing himself? Is this god's way of fessing up that he fucked up and he needs to be punished for making such a fucked up species? My Sunday school teacher explained that the blood of Jeebus was super pure and would cover up icky human sins so that God would not see our sins, b/c Jeebus' blood was covering it up. Or somesuch. I have also heard the brilliant rationale that Jeebus was punished for our sins so that we would not have to answer for our own sins. Is that not like imprisoning an innocent person while letting the child-molester go free? How does that help the child who was molested? I guess the Catlick priests like this logic.

[Choobus]

lostsheep wrote

...the idea that god gave birth to himself, then sacrificed himself, so that he could forgive us for our sins and our imperfections (for which said god is ultimately responsible for) is patently absurd.

That's why it must be troo.

[ghoulslime]

Philboid Studge wrote

But poo pictures aren't completely off the table are they?

I said butt poo.

Discussion of Jesus requires the inclusion of shit.

[ghoulslime]

lostsheep wrote

I have to say, the idea that god gave birth to himself, then sacrificed himself, so that he could forgive us for our sins and our imperfections (for which said god is ultimately responsible for) is patently absurd. Also the idea that this perfect god needs a blood sacrifice in order to forgive us for our imperfections. Could he not just forgive us without punishing himself? Is this god's way of fessing up that he fucked up and he needs to be punished for making such a fucked up species? My Sunday school teacher explained that the blood of Jeebus was super pure and would cover up icky human sins so that God would not see our sins, b/c Jeebus' blood was covering it up. Or somesuch. I have also heard the brilliant rationale that Jeebus was punished for our sins so that we would not have to answer for our own sins. Is that not like imprisoning an innocent person while letting the child-molester go free? How does that help the child who was molested? I guess the Catlick priests like this logic.

Even dog food needs to have the ingredients listed on the can. With as much Jesus eating that goes on, a thorough examination is warranted.

[ghoulslime]

Choobus wrote

That's why it must be troo.

Put on your best Sunday school look, and stand prepared with the anal lube, should the need arise.

[ghoulslime]

Stay tuned for the next exciting episode of The Incredible Edible Jesus, when Ghoulslime examines the case for the hysterical historical Jesus, and thoroughly demonstrates that there is absolutely no historical evidence to suggest that sweet little Jesus' penis ever shriveled in the winds of the wholly-bullshit Holy Land.

[Sternwallow]

I think that the U.S. Department of Agriculture and/or the Food and Drug Administration should investigate a regular practice of a segment of the populace who think it is healthful, not to say nutritious, to eat uncooked meat. This same group also drinks unpasteurized blood. Both foods are prepared by persons without food preparation licenses under uninspected conditions. Federal agencies should be particularly suspicious of the claim, by the purveyors of these foods, that they are in excess of two thousand years old. The opportunity for decay and contamination in an unrefrigerated eating facility in that length of time is staggering.

We know that the Federal Government does not approve of certain parts of a carcass for human consumption but this group of scofflaws refuses to identify the part of their source carcass the meat comes from.

Since the management of these establishments advertises that the meat and blood come from the Mid-East, around Jerusalem, they should be able to display a validated import license.

Was the carcass butchered according to the prevailing standards and practices of that activity or was it simply hacked, flayed and lashed to irregular pieces as was common in ancient barbaric times? Again, inspection is needed to protect the public.

We do note that, contrary to current law, the ingredients list and the nutrition values are not posted where customers of this fare can read them. There is no label of any sort on the blood cup that is used. Until recently, the cup was used communally, a direct violation of the hygiene regulations to prevent the spread of disease.

For the public good, these establishments should be shut down until such time as they and their personnel conform to the laws and standards of this great nation!

[Choobus]

Sternwallow wrote

I think that the U.S. Department of Agriculture and/or the Food and Drug Administration should investigate a regular practice of a segment of the populace who think it is healthful, not to say nutritious, to eat uncooked meat.

Since the FDA allows hot dogs they really have no basis to criticise any other "food". They should stick to drugs.

Sternwallow wrote

We know that the Federal Government does not approve of certain parts of a carcass for human consumption

Again: HOT DOGS!!!!!

[Sternwallow]

Choobus wrote

Since the FDA allows hot dogs they really have no basis to criticise any other "food". They should stick to drugs.

Again: HOT DOGS!!!!!

To be fair, Hot Dogs are not exactly meat; they are more a "food-like substance", packaged in imitation of the style of some real meat products.

Some Hot Dogs contain all of the big three additive components: suet, sawdust and sand.

[psychodiva]

so- best to keep Cal on ignore then as i predict a great ream of historical hysterical Cal pictures and ceasar/ Egyptian etc etc crap as soon as he finds this thread

[Choobus]

Sternwallow wrote

To be fair, Hot Dogs are not exactly meat; they are more a "food-like substance", packaged in imitation of the style of some real meat products.

Some Hot Dogs contain all of the big three additive components: suet, sawdust and sand.

it's the anus-lip-snout combo that puts me right off. compared to that suet sawdust and sand seem lovely...

[Smellyoldgit]

[calpurnpiso]

psychodiva wrote

so- best to keep Cal on ignore then as i predict a great ream of historical hysterical Cal pictures and ceasar/ Egyptian etc etc crap as soon as he finds this thread

I know this to you is crap for its message you'll never understand but Here is the ORIGIN of your Edible Jesus, I suggest you study Euhemerism Psychotard, so you realize that tunnel vision & ignorance of ancient history will stop you from understand.
Keep ignoring the facts I present, it'll keep your recalcitrant & delayed brain in the dark.

Hey Bolloks Diva Please see Diodorus Siculus' Bibliotheca Historica: Book VI, (Loeb Library ed. Vol. 3, transl. C. H. Oldfather, HUP 1970 so you learn what Euhemerism means.

For your education please see these ancient Egyptian epigraphical accounts, then connect them to understand one can not eat a JesusChrist if the brain malfunctions.







Yes Bolloks Diva, the Egyptians were way AHEAD OF THEIR TIME..and you are a psychologist?...where Dysneyland for it is not England for those folks are smart.In case you have not figure it out yet, our BRAINS is the organ we created the mind with giving us cognitive abilities, when it suffers trauma or is infected by disease, it WILL malfunction distorting the perception of reality. Please make a note of that & teach it to your class of neurologically challenged lads.
Have someone that truly KNOW psychology to tell you what's wrong with their brains then you'll understand.

Please study ancient history, epigraphy, religion, psychology, neuroscience, psychiatry, microbiology, Latin, origins of Christianity, ancient Roman history, archaeology, ancient sexuality making the proper connections before you confirm your ignorance with your posts….ranking me down is not going to elevate you to the level of intellectuals, au contraire.
It's best if you simply ignore me, keeping your head buried deeply in a peat bog joining ancient sacrificed men which no doubt had similar brains....…those peat bogs are abundant in your land…