at the request of the living, I've changed the names in this post- A simple "Hello"

Some guy in sweat pants told me he'd give me some candy and a bike if I came here and introduced myself... so I got in his van. A bad move, in retrospect, 'cause now my ass whistles whenever the wind picks up.

I really have no fucking introduction to give. Just a few warnings, I guess. And here we go.

I've actually been here before (under a name very similar to this one), but didn't stay for too long and now can't seem to locate my old name. Anyway, the one thing that will be noticed by anyone who watches me- like a guy in the bushes watches underage girls at the bus stop- is that my posts will eventually be filled with obscure pop-culture references. Seriously. They'll be like a virus, just taking over everyithing. I don't just mean "Hey, who saw Good the Bad and the Ugly? Woooo!" I mean, "There's an episode of M*A*S*H where Hawkeye rides into post-op on a bike and says 'How do you like it? My father sent it from home, it's a pop-cycle'. That was so funny. Har har har. I'm a dumbass." Something like that.

Oh, and I'll also call myself a dumbass, apparently. "What a Sagot."

Yeah, I don't... what do you- what do you want from me, man? You got your fucking introduction, just stop reading now. Anytime.

I'm going to continue to type, but it's all just pointless flim-flammery, so you can stop if you want. It's OK. Won't hurt my feelings at all.

"Flim-flammery." There's a word you don't hear anymore. Or "hornswaggle." "Numb-skullery." That's Mr. Burns, from the Simpsons. I think it's the episode "Homer the Smithers," but I could be wrong. That's the one where Mr. Smithers takes a vacation, and Homer takes over his job while he's gone. It's a good episode, but not my favorite. But what would be a favorite Simpsons episode. I liked "Homerphobia." I though John Waters did a good job in it.

John Waters, for those of you who don't know, is an independant film-maker, though his films are an acquired taste. Can't say I'm a fan. He's got this movie called Pink Flamingo- never seen it- and in it there's this actor he worked with alot called Devine, who was a cross dresser, and at one point he picks up a piece of dog shit and just eats it, on camera. I've heard that there's a contest where they serve an audience pudding and make them watch that scene. But I don't know if that's true.


Alright- couple of child rape jokes, couple of irreverant pop culture references... I think that went well.

[antix]

Just for the record, I have once or twice in the past decade used the term "Hornswaggle"

Not that that info has any relevance to anything, just thought I'd mention it.

Ah, wait, is it to late to.... FUCK! I was going to edit that post, but you just fucked it up man. I'll just have to tack on, and now it seems transparent, so I'm a jackass. Thanks a lot.


In a different forum from the past (meaning, time ago, not time travel), my introductory post was as follows:

Hello, all. Thought I'd introduce myself. Despite my user name being AFS, my real name is not. Trust me, I got a lot of corroborating evidence. But you can just refer to me as AFS. Or Dipwad. Whatever.

There really isn't much to tell, 'cause I'm kind of an enigma. I don't... do much... or think much... I don't really have opinions, either. I'll put me to you like this:

You ever walk down a street, and you see this guy, right? He's wearing a coat, maybe, but it's not really cold enough to constitute the wearing of a coat, so you think, "Hey, what's with the coat?" But you don't say that, 'cause it would be too forward a thing to say to a stranger. Anyway, as you walk past this guy, you just happen to get a big whiff of some I-don't-know-what-the-hell-he-did-to-make-that-kind-of-smell B.O. And it's so righteous that you have to stop, there on the sidewalk, next to the coat-lover, to reflect on just how you're going to have to get this smell out of your memory. 'Cause it's just burn so far into your glands, you don't think you'll ever be able to inhale without thinking of Coat Man. And then, while you're stopped, wondering if you'll be able to smell in Heaven, Coat Man just grabs your head and starts shaking it. Just vibrates your face, and your cheeks start making that fat-on-fat slapping noise. But you're so deep in meditation over this B.O. stink, you just freeze there. Then some other guy walking past shoves Coat Man, and he lets go. Then Coat Man and the other guy leave you to your lonesome existence of questioning this day and that smell forever.

Anyway, that other guy- THAT was me. That's about the best I can define myself. Maybe if I was wearing a shirt that said "Bill Willingham" on it, it would have fit me better, but it's still pretty close without it.

So... anyway... hi.

So... I get two introductions.

[Choobus]

sometimes less is more

[Kamikaze189]

This isn't the warmest introduction, but it has been really shitty around here with the new members. Just look at (the user on this forum) Pussy.

But other than that mention of why people won't be showing up in large numbers and throwing money at you, welcome to the forum.

The real point was to type so much pointless fucking drivel that not one person could logically think, "Hey, I'm not wasting my time by reading any of this bullshit," then just move on.

You kind of fuck it up when you sit through all of it.

And Pussy does kind of leave a bad taste in your mouth, huh?

You seem nice. I'm being careful now, so, I'm gonna add "at a glance".

A guy makes child rape jokes.

"Yeah, that's a good guy. Seems nice. Doesn't matter that his best pick-up line is probably 'Hey, Becky, you're mom called me, I'm a friend. She's at the hospital. My, that's a pretty dress you've got on.'"


...was that too much?

Nope

Good to hear.

"It's nice to be nice to the nice."
-Frank Burns, M*A*S*H

I'M INVINCIBLE!!!

(Boris, Goldeneye)

"I'll give you a clue: They're right in front of you, and they open very large doors."

Is it "large" or "loud?" I can't tell with that accent.