"I can no longer sit back and allow Communist infiltration, Communist indoctrination, Communist subversion and the international Communist conspiracy to sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids."
General Jack D. Ripper: Mandrake?
Group Capt. Lionel Mandrake: Yes, Jack?
General Jack D. Ripper: Have you ever seen a Commie drink a glass of water?
Group Capt. Lionel Mandrake: Well, I can't say I have.
General Jack D. Ripper: Vodka, that's what they drink, isn't it? Never water?
Group Capt. Lionel Mandrake: Well, I-I believe that's what they drink, Jack, yes.
General Jack D. Ripper: On no account will a Commie ever drink water, and not without good reason.
Group Capt. Lionel Mandrake: Oh, eh, yes. I, hmm, can't quite see what you're getting at, Jack.
General Jack D. Ripper: Water, that's what I'm getting at, water. Mandrake, water is the source of all life. Seven-tenths of this earth's surface is water. Why, do you realize that seventy percent of you is water?
Group Capt. Lionel Mandrake: Uh, uh, Good Lord!
General Jack D. Ripper: And as human beings, you and I need fresh, pure water to replenish our precious bodily fluids.
Group Capt. Lionel Mandrake: Yes. (He begins to chuckle nervously)
General Jack D. Ripper: Are you beginning to understand?
Group Capt. Lionel Mandrake: Yes. (More laughter)
General Jack D. Ripper: Mandrake. Mandrake, have you never wondered why I drink only distilled water, or rainwater, and only pure-grain alcohol?
Group Capt. Lionel Mandrake: Well, it did occur to me, Jack, yes.
General Jack D. Ripper: Have you ever heard of a thing called fluoridation. Fluoridation of water?
Group Capt. Lionel Mandrake: Uh? Yes, II have heard of that, Jack, yes. Yes.
General Jack D. Ripper: Well, do you know what it is?
Group Capt. Lionel Mandrake: No, no I don't know what it is, no.
General Jack D. Ripper: Do you realize that fluoridation is the most monstrously conceived and dangerous Communist plot we have ever had to face?
General Jack D. Ripper: Mandrake, do you realize that in addition to fluoridating water, why, there are studies underway to fluoridate salt, flour, fruit juices, soup, sugar, milk... ice cream. Ice cream, Mandrake, children's ice cream.
Group Capt. Lionel Mandrake: Lord, Jack.
General Jack D. Ripper: You know when fluoridation first began?
Group Capt. Lionel Mandrake: I-- no, no. I don't, Jack.
General Jack D. Ripper: Nineteen hundred and forty-six. Nineteen forty-six, Mandrake. How does that coincide with your post-war Commie conspiracy, huh? It's incredibly obvious, isn't it? A foreign substance is introduced into our precious bodily fluids without the knowledge of the individual. Certainly without any choice. That's the way your hard-core Commie works.
Group Capt. Lionel Mandrake: Uh, Jack, Jack, listen, tell me, tell me, Jack. When did you first... become... well, develop this theory?
General Jack D. Ripper: Well, I, uh... I... I... first became aware of it, Mandrake, during the physical act of love.
Group Capt. Lionel Mandrake: Hmm.
General Jack D. Ripper: Yes, a uh, a profound sense of fatigue... a feeling of emptiness followed. Luckily I... I was able to interpret these feelings correctly. Loss of essence.
Group Capt. Lionel Mandrake: Hmm.
General Jack D. Ripper: I can assure you it has not recurred, Mandrake. Women uh... women sense my power and they seek the life essence. I, uh... I do not avoid women, Mandrake.
Group Capt. Lionel Mandrake: No.
General Jack D. Ripper: But I... I do deny them my essence.