Honest Mondrian's Gambling Joint

[mondrian]

Today's tip is:

13:00 Southwell - Ivy Port (TO LOOSE)

Stay lucky chasp and chaspesses.

[Smellyoldgit]

Would a bet be invalidated if some dense fuckwit wrote 'loose' on the slip, when he probably meant something else? Now, where did we last mention grammar?

[mondrian]

Smellyoldgit wrote

Would a bet be invalidated if some dense fuckwit wrote 'loose' on the slip, when he probably meant something else? Now, where did we last mention grammar?

I stand corrected.

Would you accept any of these in mitigation?:

'I used my mobile phone, innit?'

It was a genuine typo

The letter 'o' on my keyboard got stuck.

I am a fuckwit

Anyways, the nag shouldn't win (I hope).

[mondrian]

Smellyoldgit wrote

Would a bet be invalidated if some dense fuckwit wrote 'loose' on the slip, when he probably meant something else? Now, where did we last mention grammar?

BTW - you can't bet a horse to 'loose' or even 'lose' with a bookie. That's their job. Therefore, no betting slip.

[Kinich Ahau]

mondrian wrote

The problem that I have with backing is the LLR - usually between 20 and 30. Getting into one of those ain't good for the nervous system - nor the pocket. That's why I much prefer laying.

One of my laying systems is almost 4 years old. Max LLR = 4.

I don't understand. Do you have a problem with your left lumbar region, lender of last resort or the LLR 81mm mortar as used by the French army?

[mondrian]

Kinich Ahau wrote

I don't understand. Do you have a problem with your left lumbar region, lender of last resort or the LLR 81mm mortar as used by the French army?

I have a problem with all of the above - especially the LLR 81mm mortar. Would it be possible to borrow yours for a spell? Our resident fuckwit, Jerry, needs a good sortin' out.

LLR - Longest Losing Run.

[Kinich Ahau]

Got it, thanks.

Well done on your second tip. I backed the second fav for a bit of fun and what do you know! I wins!

[mondrian]

Kinich Ahau wrote

Got it, thanks.

Well done on your second tip. I backed the second fav for a bit of fun and what do you know! I wins!

Well, Ivy Port desists from troubling the judge and comes 2nd. at a very tasty 7/4 favourite.

The race report read:

Chased leaders, driven halfway, every chance over 1f out, no extra closing stages

Like I said in an earlier post, you are gonna see a lot of race reports containing the underlined, or a variation thereof.

Well, that's 2 from 2 in the bag. (dances).

I'll try and post another tip in the morning.

On a more serious note, before any of you sheep-shagging, vomit-spewing, granny-fucking sons of satan think that it's easy to pick low-priced nags that fail to win, it ain't. Don't think at you can make ya fortune from doing it. Ya can't. A good friend of mine thought he could. In 6 months, he won over £100k. Three months later he'd lost the lot and another £300K as well. He now rents the bungalow in Uxbridge that he used to own outright. He used to own a rather delectable temptress with a body to die for too. She divorced him. Not because he lost the money - but because he told her that he would win it all back and more besides.

It's taken me the best part of 10 years to get to this stage. I still get turned over now and then. Yeh, I know, what did I do with the other 9 years 364 days! - fuckers.

[mondrian]

Not an easy day today.

Lots of low-odds horses that, given some credible opposition, would probably lose. However, many don't have opposition that's even remotely credible and are therefore best avoided.

Today's tip is:

16:50 Kempton - Sir Pedro (TO LOSE)

It's a bit of an egg and spoon race but worth a shot.

[mondrian]

Kinich Ahau wrote

Got it, thanks.

Well done on your second tip. I backed the second fav for a bit of fun and what do you know! I wins!

So you were running in the race too? Well fuck me.

[Kinich Ahau]

Yeah, but because I'm a stallion I usually run at the rear of the field, I like having the fillies in front of me.

[mondrian]

Kinich Ahau wrote

Yeah, but because I'm a stallion I usually run at the rear of the field, I like having the fillies in front of me.

You sayin' that you are a 'rear gunner'?

[mondrian]

Well, Sir Pedro comes 6th out of 9 and we have our third tip in a row in the bag (dances).

The race report read: Chased leaders, ridden and weakened over 1f out opened 7/2 touched 10/3.

Once again, our selection fades in the last furlong!! Quelle surprise.

I'll try and post another tip in the morning.

[Kinich Ahau]

[mondrian]

There's a few half-chances today but, just in case any of you fellow sad, sister-fucking, pig-shagging sons of Satan are taking notice of my tips, I ain't takin' responsibility for you lot losing ya shirts. So, not being interested in half-chances, there is no selections today. In fact, there won't be any for a couple of weeks or so.

I can't stand this time of year. There's cunts on the road that are full of booze and drugs, there's gob shites outside of pubs spewing up their gallons of ale and kebab and chips (with extra source), there's carol singers comin' around a singin' about something that never even happened and was all made up by half-wits for fuck-wits in the 16th. century, then there's the TV pumpin' out all sorts of shit films that they laughingly call 'family entertainment' and couldn't get away with showing at any other time of year, then there's the fuckin' mother in law - the dog-collar wearing broomstick practitioner - who wants me to feed her mounds of turkey that was force-fed shit, and kept in conditions that are only fit for christians, in what's laughingly referred to as 'a farm' (AKA concentration camp) down in darkest Hartlepool (didn't they used to have a shit-fuck football team once?). It's not the only thing she wants me to feed her but that's another matter. Oh, and then there's the fuckin' shit pressies. Don't get me started on that one or else I'll still be here ranting and raving come 2073.

Anyway, can't stand this place at this time of year so I'm going to get some sun for a couple of weeks - maybe more.

See you all when sanity, satan or sanitary towels return to these fair shores.

I'm outa here.