The Horrible Analogy Thread

[Mog]

Lily wrote

I doubt it. Jews know something about desecration and mobs.

Well, lets just put it this way.. As I've hinted before, I am ethnically a Jew, though I haven't practiced it religiously in years, and I feel very offended by your claims that they are equivalent.

Here is an unbelievably good bad analogy. You might as well close the thread-- nothing could top this in its sheer, consumate doltishness.

Choobus wrote

I assume that Lily et al would consider it to be an equally egregious offense if one were to infiltrate a Nambla meeting and try to make off with one of their special ceremonial leaflets that describes the joys of man boy love, but that is not supposed to leave the building, for a number of reasons. After all, these guys are not breaking the law, and they hold their man boy love doctrines very dearly and so would be quite offended if someone were to tread on their sensibilities in such a brutish manner.

Mog wrote

Well, lets just put it this way.. As I've hinted before, I am ethnically a Jew, though I haven't practiced it religiously in years, and I feel very offended by your claims that they are equivalent.

Suck it up, buster. Just like we are supposed to.

[Mog]

Lily wrote

Here is an unbelievably good bad analogy. You might as well close the thread-- nothing could top this in its sheer, consumate doltishness.

Then I guess we have to agree that you don't have any idea what a good analogy is. I suppose you don't think "Kissing Hank's Ass" is a good analogy either.

I have no idea what "kissing Hank's ass" means/refers to.

[Irreligious]

Professor Chaos wrote

Someone who has conversed with Lily for two years and is still surprised at her insanity and stupidity is like ______________________________________ .

Come on, Professor. There are levels of, er, inanity. And after nearly two years here, this is a new plateau for me. The sheer intensity of Lily's vehemence on this is nothing short of breathtaking.

[Mog]

Lily wrote

Suck it up, buster. Just like we are supposed to.

You really find taking a simple cracker equivalent to desecrating a grave? I guess we really have found your equivalent to the Muhammed Cartoons. Behind every cracker is a fanatic.

[Mog]

Lily wrote

I have no idea what "kissing Hank's ass" means/refers to.

You didn't think of googling it?

[Choobus]

Lily wrote

Here is an unbelievably good bad analogy. You might as well close the thread-- nothing could top this in its sheer, consumate doltishness.

If you deliberately offend a group of people by treating something they deem to be important in a disrespectful manner then how is that different? Are you saying it's not the same because these crackers be all magical and shit?

I am saying that you and your colleagues here don't have the slightest understanding of what it takes to sustain community. We will quickly disintegrate into warring tribes if this sort of dull, obtuse, deliberate refusal to respect differences continues. Actually, you don't even have to respect them. You just have to understand that you must live and let live without giving premeditated, deliberate offense. Just who do you think will win a power struggle, that pits militant, one-note atheists against believers of all sorts?

Think, Dr. Choobus. I have seen signs that lead me to believe that you can.

[Choobus]

Yes, I understand all that, but you have not explained why Nambla should get less respect than catholics in this regard.

I won't do it. If I have to, it will kill the respect I have had for you. I need to believe that you know the difference between the vast majority of Catholics and what they believe and teach and pedophiles, who are proud of and promote a "life style" that deliberately exploits and glorifies the exploitation of children. You would be morally defective not to understand it. Whose capital do you think you are spending?

Don't bring this up with me again. I will not respond.

[Tenspace]

When I saw the title of this thread, I figured the 'horrible analogies' would be something like these:

Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.

The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

The knife was as sharp as the tone used by Rep. Sheila Jackson Lee (D-Tex.) in her first several points of parliamentary procedure made to Rep. Henry Hyde (R-Ill.) in the House Judiciary Committee hearings on the impeachment of President William Jefferson Clinton.

The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.

She was as easy as the TV Guide crossword.

Her eyes were like limpid pools, only they had forgotten to put in any pH cleanser.

She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.

His fountain pen was so expensive it looked as if someone had grabbed the pope, turned him upside down and started writing with the tip of his big pointy hat.

Tenspace wrote

When I saw the title of this thread, I figured the 'horrible analogies' would be something like these:
...
It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.
...
Her eyes were like limpid pools, only they had forgotten to put in any pH cleanser.
...
His fountain pen was so expensive it looked as if someone had grabbed the pope, turned him upside down and started writing with the tip of his big pointy hat.

Oh Tenspace, these are hilarious and, I must say, I agree. This is the sort of thing I would have expected but for the fact that the thread started off with a couple of good analogies on a hotly disputed topic.

My own favorite comes from a thesis I had to read a few years back. It was by an English major so I knew it would be horrible-- badly written and full of pc post-modern crap (politically correct, not Professor Chaos). Lacking any hope that this thesis would be the exception, I turned to p.1 and read:

Everyone knows that Keats wrote with a phallic pen.

While not as good as most of yours, I cherish this one.

[Philboid Studge]

Lily wrote

Incontinent? That's a bad analogy. The italics and bolding are mine. The rest belongs to a writer whose writing is, by all accounts, sharp and intelligent. He has published a half dozen or more books and at least several hundred more articles than you ever will. Under his own "byline" I should add.

You might like to develop his incontinence. Maybe it will get you out of that palatial estate you and your cats inhabit.

Lily, did you put Windex in your Fresca yesterday? 'Incontinent' is not an analogy, it's a diabolically clever pun. How do you control incontinence? Depends.

If the italics and bolding are yours (?), then the two horrible analogies therein belong to you too. Reading them again is exactly like being on a cattle car to Dachau.

Your pal publishes under his own "byline"? Who could have imagined such a thing. Does he work under "deadlines" and wear a hat with a "press" card stuck in it too?