The Incredible Edible Jesus

[ghoulslime]

So, I lie awake at night sometimes, wondering about the magical mysteries of God. We all know that Jesus had big balls, and knew how to use them. But how about his daddy, God? Does God have balls and a dick? If not, why not? Aren't we supposed to be made in his image and all of that? If God doesn't have a pee hose, does that mean he can't drink anything? If he does have a wiener, can he fuck with it? Is it against the rules for God to fuck? Doesn't he get thirsty making all of those commandments?

Now before you start thinking, "Man, I think I'd like to fuck God", I think we need to think this through carefully. Let's be sure who...uh...what we are getting into. If God has a dick, if he doesn't use it, then it is superfluous. That would make God imperfect, and we all know he can't be imperfect! He never makes any mistakes! So maybe God doesn't have a dick. Did you ever think about that while you were jacking off to pictures of the Virgin Mary?

If God doesn't have a dick, then why does everybody say that he is a he? We all know that the Holy Ghost doesn't have a sperm stick or a fuck muffin. Or at least we assume as much. The Holy Ghost is either a very tricky transvestite, a holy hermaphrodite, or just has a smooth bum bum area with nothing at all. I always imagine Casper the Friendly Ghost with a halo. But I digress. If God isn't packing a huge cranny axe in his crotch, and I mean a colossal heat-seeking custard launcher, then what makes him a he? Why the fuck do we call him our Father in Heaven?

Maybe I have just been tricked by chicks with dicks one too many time, but I'm calling God out on his genitals. I think the Jews always knew about God's genitals. I've heard a lot about the Jews and the genitals. Nobody ever seems to have gotten to the bottom of this.

[dogpet]

God* is made of wank!

God* doesn't need any thingies down there to spread the love, it spooges out of it in every direction at once.

Wank is male, ∴

[ghoulslime]

Then Jesus said unto them, "Blessed is he who shoots his goop in my poop shoot, for he shall receive the King's cum. Ah, men!"

[dogpet]

look at that guy in the poop hat.

[ghoulslime]

Christmas is almost here! Have you washed your bum hole for the lord?

[Smellyoldgit]

ghoulslime wrote

Christmas is almost here! Have you washed your bum hole for the lord?

[Sinfidel]

Smellyoldgit wrote

Which one is JJ?

[Smellyoldgit]

Both: Mary's the ass-licking bitch - JJ takes it up the ass!

[ghoulslime]

Smellyoldgit wrote

The lord truly moos in mysterious ways!

[dogpet]

Smellyoldgit wrote

Triple digestion! Nothing new, it's still shit.

[dogpet]

[ghoulslime]

Happy birthday, Jesus!

[Sinfidel]

MaryJJ wrote:

Not only am I an example of God's abundant favor blessing me in my life with success, a beautiful wife, great kids and friends, but I am an example of stability and excellent mental health.

[Sinfidel]

MaryJerry ranted:

Who are you to judge the quality of life of anyone?

Then, in the next breath, the hypocrite judges:

Those seeking transgender surgery are mentally ill.

[Sinfidel]

Glimpse of the future - MaryJerry's Obit:

Man dies of heart attack after attempting to get a blowjob from a vacuum cleaner.

A 1988 report from The American Journal of Forensic Medicine and Pathology details the case of a 57-year-old man who joined the Choir Invisible as a result “of a fatal cardiac episode resulting from an unusual autoerotic practice involving the use of a vacuum cleaner”:

The decedent was naked, leaning against a dining table with his feet on the floor. His testicles, thighs, and buttocks were tightly bound with panty hose. Areas in direct contact with the [vacuum cleaner’s] beater bar (his abdomen, parts of his chest and arms) showed some burn marks….A bottle of wine, some food items, jars of lubricant, a glass of urine, and a wooden table leg laden with fecal material were on the dining room table.

http://thoughtcatalog.com/jim-goad/2...urbating-nsfw/