Church Monkeys

[Philboid Studge]

Last night I was watching the Nova program "Ape Genius." Monkeys are pretty smart. Some have a "vocabulary" of up to 3000 English words; they cooperate; have a spectrum of emotions; can learn new concepts; etc etc.

I was wondering, do you think an intelligent ape can be taught to believe in God? Seems to me it would be an easy matter to teach one to go through the motions at least -- kneeling, clasping hands together, convene in a steepled building, etc. If they got those down, they wouldn't be functionally different than your average jeetard.

If you could teach a monkey to learn, say, the rudiments of Christianity, do you suppose a church would baptize them?



Evidence of monkey religions already in extant are sketchy, and not necessarily from reliable sources. There is a bit of rare footage here that shows chimp communicating theological concepts with precision.

The hardest part would not be communicating 'displaced phenomena' to the monkeys -- even bees can do that -- but in convincing them of something that doesn't exist. Maybe they are too smart to be taught God.

I understand that there are ethical considerations. Indoctrinating human children in Sky Bastard beliefs is abuse (even without the Catholic 'rearing' of children), but I'm somewhat flexible on animal experimentation. If we can teach monkeys to believe in God, perhaps that can lead to further research from which we derive a better understanding into why some humans hold such beliefs even into adulthood.

There are potentially dangerous unintended consequences from this plan, however. What if the monkeys took to religion with gusto, and then began to teach it to other monkeys! That could get out of hand. It might spread throughout the animal kingdom -- first monkeys, then dolphins, then bees....



I don't think I could sign off on this kind of exploitation. Monkeys are meant to wear diapers and smoke cigars, not to believe in idiotic gods. Perhaps we should start with Sea Monkeys, and see how it goes ...

[Smellyoldgit]

[Node18]

Philboid Studge wrote

There is a bit of rare footage here that shows chimp communicating theological concepts with precision.

[Sternwallow]

There are some pigeons who mistake the behavior that triggers food reward in their test setups. They, for instance look over their left shoulder then peck the paddle and the reward comes (at random, not due to their behavior). From then on, they will repeat the over-shoulder look just the way a sport fan wears his "lucky" jock strap and thinks it has some power over reality. These "superstitious" pigeons will continue doing this long after there is no correlation with the reward.

One can't miss the parallels between these pious pigeons and prayerful petitioners.

[VladTheImpaler]

Philboid Studge wrote

If you could teach a monkey to learn, say, the rudiments of Christianity, do you suppose a church would baptize them?

Do even Christians understand the rudiments of Christianity? I mean, they claim to believe in one God that is also three separate entities and is his own son and father and died for us to atone for our sins to Himself? Ya, if you can get a monkey to understand that I'll be inclined to believe you are God.

[ubs]

I'm dialing PETA. As soon as Che's granddaughter gets dressed, they are on this you sick bastard!

[Philboid Studge]

Sternwallow wrote

There are some pigeons who mistake the behavior that triggers food reward in their test setups. They, for instance look over their left shoulder then peck the paddle and the reward comes (at random, not due to their behavior). From then on, they will repeat the over-shoulder look just the way a sport fan wears his "lucky" jock strap and thinks it has some power over reality. These "superstitious" pigeons will continue doing this long after there is no correlation with the reward.

One can't miss the parallels between these pious pigeons and prayerful petitioners.

My BFF, Skinner!

[Philboid Studge]

VladTheImpaler wrote

Do even Christians understand the rudiments of Christianity? I mean, they claim to believe in one God that is also three separate entities and is his own son and father and died for us to atone for our sins to Himself? Ya, if you can get a monkey to understand that I'll be inclined to believe you are God.

Shirley you could demonstrate a comparable anal-olgy. Say you showed a monkey three kinds of oil -- baby, KY, and butter -- and you mixed them together to make a three-in-one oil. Then you used the oil as a sort of ointment, an unction, if you will ...

[ghoulslime]

Philboid Studge wrote

Last night I was watching the Nova program "Ape Genius." Monkeys are pretty smart. Some have a "vocabulary" of up to 3000 English words; they cooperate; have a spectrum of emotions; can learn new concepts; etc etc.

I was wondering, do you think an intelligent ape can be taught to believe in God?

Well, duh! Observe several of Lily's posts. It is obvious that apes can be taught to believe in the gods. The part about learning new concepts, however, remains questionable.

[Philboid Studge]

I said, an intelligent ape.

obvious answer.
i have proof, they can and do know religion.

[psychodiva]

Philboid Studge wrote

I said, an intelligent ape.

re the above picture - I go with what Phil said

[ghoulslime]

Philboid Studge wrote

I said, an intelligent ape.

Ah! Of course! Forgive my oversight!

fine a slightly more inteligent ape.


dont believe hes an aape?

here!

[ghoulslime]

Philboid Studge wrote

Last night I was watching the Nova program "Ape Genius." Monkeys are pretty smart. Some have a "vocabulary" of up to 3000 English words; they cooperate; have a spectrum of emotions; can learn new concepts; etc etc.

I was wondering, do you think an intelligent ape can be taught to believe in God? Seems to me it would be an easy matter to teach one to go through the motions at least -- kneeling, clasping hands together, convene in a steepled building, etc. If they got those down, they wouldn't be functionally different than your average jeetard.

If you could teach a monkey to learn, say, the rudiments of Christianity, do you suppose a church would baptize them?

Evidence of monkey religions already in extant are sketchy, and not necessarily from reliable sources. There is a bit of rare footage here that shows chimp communicating theological concepts with precision.

The hardest part would not be communicating 'displaced phenomena' to the monkeys -- even bees can do that -- but in convincing them of something that doesn't exist. Maybe they are too smart to be taught God.

I understand that there are ethical considerations. Indoctrinating human children in Sky Bastard beliefs is abuse (even without the Catholic 'rearing' of children), but I'm somewhat flexible on animal experimentation. If we can teach monkeys to believe in God, perhaps that can lead to further research from which we derive a better understanding into why some humans hold such beliefs even into adulthood.

There are potentially dangerous unintended consequences from this plan, however. What if the monkeys took to religion with gusto, and then began to teach it to other monkeys! That could get out of hand. It might spread throughout the animal kingdom -- first monkeys, then dolphins, then bees....

I don't think I could sign off on this kind of exploitation. Monkeys are meant to wear diapers and smoke cigars, not to believe in idiotic gods. Perhaps we should start with Sea Monkeys, and see how it goes ...

I think it would be difficult to teach the smarter apes to believe in Christianity. It is way too wacky, what...with all the three in one god stuff and the flesh cracker thingy. It seems prudent to start with a more credible-sounding religion and let it spiral down to complete insanity over the course of a few generations. You couldn't start with Islam, because you don't want your monkeys blowing themselves and others up from the get go.

I was thinking maybe Mayan religion would be a good place to start.

Mayans had lots of different gods to choose from, so you could justify what you were doing a lot more clearly. None of this trying to figure out one psychopathic god's capricious whims!

We could easily teach them how to make the proper head presses so that the


upper class monkeys would be distinguishable from the



lower class monkeys.

Afterall, you can't have lower class monkeys talking to the gods.

Monkeys would be better off with religion. Where would they get their morals without it? Religion would make the animal kingdom a better place. It would keep the animals from doing anything irrational.