06-30-2006, 09:15 PM
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#1
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Guest
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Ready set GO
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06-30-2006, 11:12 PM
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#2
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Guest
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David to friend: Dude, you’ll be totally safe in the front…
David to friend’s wife: I know…he was my friend…I know its going to be hard but, it might make you feel better to touch my balls.
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06-30-2006, 11:15 PM
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#3
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Guest
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Other: God kills Onan and Er in Genesis 38.
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07-01-2006, 04:24 AM
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#4
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Guest
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Quote:
peepnklown wrote
David to friend: Dude, you’ll be totally safe in the front…
David to friend’s wife: I know…he was my friend…I know its going to be hard but, it might make you feel better to touch my balls.
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David was pretty smooth I must admit.
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07-01-2006, 05:33 AM
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#5
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Organ Donator
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Beastly Muck
Posts: 13,136
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Other: Mine also from Genesis 38, but for family values I'll say when Onan's father, Judah, mistakes his daughter-in-law Tamar for a hooker and bangs her, planting his seed in her Cave 'o Creation. (Which is exactly what Onan had refused to do, incurring the wrath of Gawd All-Smitey. Makes sense, right?)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
La propriété, c'est le vol ...
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07-01-2006, 06:17 AM
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#6
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Guest
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Quote:
Philboid Studge wrote
Other: Mine also from Genesis 38, but for family values I'll say when Onan's father, Judah, mistakes his daughter-in-law Tamar for a hooker and bangs her, planting his seed in her Cave 'o Creation. (Which is exactly what Onan had refused to do, incurring the wrath of Gawd All-Smitey. Makes sense, right?)
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obviously there are too many golden family moments for me to have tried to list them all
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07-01-2006, 01:01 PM
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#7
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Guest
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Those are all great, but you gotta go with the angel of death killing all the firstborns.
I mean, even the animals that were firstborn. That is just over the top.
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07-01-2006, 03:48 PM
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#8
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Guest
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Could anyone post the the verses where I could find these stories? I believe you, but I have to see for myself! I've read the plague story but haven't read some of the others like David impregnating a man's wife and then having the man killed.
The Bible is most certainly some great family fun!
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07-01-2006, 04:02 PM
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#9
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Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Texas
Posts: 644
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Just read the Song of Solomon, with its pornographic verses like:
"5:4 My beloved put in his hand by the hole of the door, and my bowels were moved for him."
And there's more where that came from.
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07-01-2006, 07:47 PM
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#10
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Obsessed Member
Join Date: May 2005
Location: 3rd notch in the bible belt
Posts: 1,342
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Other: Genesis 19:8, where Lot offers his virgin daughters to be gang-raped rather than have the men of Sodom. . .well. . .sodomize his male guests.
"Behold now, I have two daughters which have not known man; let me, I pray you, bring them out unto you, and do ye to them as is good in your eyes: only unto these men do nothing; for therefore came they under the shadow of my roof."
Christian: One who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbor. - Ambrose Bierce
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07-01-2006, 08:36 PM
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#11
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Guest
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I gotta go with Lot.
Every time I read that story I imagine someone in a court of law saying, "But Judge, they seduced ME!" How many times have we heared THAT from child molesters?
Not saying it cant happen, but..............
Noah
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07-01-2006, 09:58 PM
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#12
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Guest
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2 Samuel 11
David has sex with Bethsabee, the wife of Uriah: friend of David and a loyal general of his army, while Uriah was away fighting for King David.
Bethsabee became pregnant, David calls his friend home to have sex with his wife in order to make it look like Uriah was the father of the upcoming child…but Uriah didn’t want to have sex because I might weaken him in the fight…so David had Uriah in the front-line so he would get killed, and he was.
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07-01-2006, 10:00 PM
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#13
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Guest
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Quote:
peepnklown wrote
2 Samuel 11
David has sex with Bethsabee, the wife of Uriah: friend of David and a loyal general of his army, while Uriah was away fighting for King David.
Bethsabee became pregnant, David calls his friend home to have sex with his wife in order to make it look like Uriah was the father of the upcoming child…but Uriah didn’t want to have sex because I might weaken him in the fight…so David had Uriah in the front-line so he would get killed, and he was.
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Yea it was a classic, its good to be king because you can do shit like that and nobody says a word.
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07-01-2006, 10:13 PM
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#14
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Guest
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David repented after the prophet Nathan confronted him, gay.
I would have taken a difference stance if I were king…”Listen carefully Nathan, I killed my friend Uriah for a piece of ass, you think I won’t kill you for confronting me?”
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07-01-2006, 10:16 PM
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#15
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Guest
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Quote:
peepnklown wrote
David repented after the prophet Nathan confronted him, gay.
I would have taken a difference stance if I were king…”Listen carefully Nathan, I killed my friend Uriah for a piece of ass, you think I won’t kill you for confronting me?”
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Yea, if you want a isreali king, its solomon all the way.
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