The Incredible Edible Jesus - Page 463

midway · 03-07-2015, 04:10 AM

You know, it maybe that jesus was eaten. Caparnham was a masonic village where he preached something like "if you want perfect flesh eat me" to get them to go vegetarian ,also he had discouraged his disciples from fishing any more. Yes vegan jesus got them to give up animal sacfifice and really peeved quite a few. But His body was not found and the holy grail was used to collect his dripping blood as he died on the cross, according to some. Mary Magdelan was so put off and so were the surviving disciples that they dropped their anticonsumerisms and lived off their fame. He has risen. HE wasn't eaten. Yeah sure.

dogpet · 03-07-2015, 05:15 PM

Quote:

midway wrote

You know, it maybe that jesus was eaten. Caparnham was a masonic village where he preached something like "if you want perfect flesh eat me" to get them to go vegetarian ,also he had discouraged his disciples from fishing any more. Yes vegan jesus got them to give up animal sacfifice and really peeved quite a few. But His body was not found and the holy grail was used to collect his dripping blood as he died on the cross, according to some. Mary Magdelan was so put off and so were the surviving disciples that they dropped their anticonsumerisms and lived off their fame. He has risen. HE wasn't eaten. Yeah sure.

HE was an it, or there would have been no feeding. You wouldn't eat a person, or a god*, but a dog's redundant carriage, now that's another matter.

ghoulslime · 03-08-2015, 08:52 AM

Quote:

midway wrote

You know, it maybe that jesus was eaten. Caparnham was a masonic village where he preached something like "if you want perfect flesh eat me" to get them to go vegetarian ,also he had discouraged his disciples from fishing any more. Yes vegan jesus got them to give up animal sacfifice and really peeved quite a few. But His body was not found and the holy grail was used to collect his dripping blood as he died on the cross, according to some. Mary Magdelan was so put off and so were the surviving disciples that they dropped their anticonsumerisms and lived off their fame. He has risen. HE wasn't eaten. Yeah sure.

I'm pretty sure that one night, while drunk on cheap wine, Jesus dropped his drawers, and perched himself doggy style on the table in front of his twelve boyfriends, and said encouragingly, "Eat me!"

The rest of it is all just a misunderstanding.

midway · 03-08-2015, 01:30 PM

Quote:

dogpet wrote

HE was an it, or there would have been no feeding. You wouldn't eat a person, or a god*, but a dog's redundant carriage, now that's another matter.

Other uses for the word "it" include babies, pets and other living creatures in general. This is telling that there is often no distinction between living and dead or inanimate "things". Brutes that we are...
In the future, language will permit discernment among things that are very unspecific now. The word "they" is often used to help one get angry.Unspecific terms are often used in emotional outbursts, like the assertiveness training motto, "Name calling is a sign of anger." Use in vain at own peril.
The ancient Greeks were limited linguistically when it came to the concept of "more". They could not handle repeating decimals, only terminating ones and because of that had a famous problem where a tortoise beats Achilles in a footrace, though they knew it could not be true they hadn't the language or math to disprove "it".

midway · 03-08-2015, 02:06 PM

Quote:

ghoulslime wrote

I'm pretty sure that one night, while drunk on cheap wine, Jesus dropped his drawers, and perched himself doggy style on the table in front of his twelve boyfriends, and said encouragingly, "Eat me!"

The rest of it is all just a misunderstanding.

He was initially called a "winebib" when he first started preaching, he even had a parable about old patches for old wineskins, as he came to repair the scriptures and was prophesied to come. But as his fame grew he became "holier than thou" just like John the Baptist. John was beheaded for criticizing a marriage. Jesus tried to clean up his own act by giving up wine and bread. This didn't sit well with Judas, who had come to appreciate the finer things in life. [they had rich women with them].

ghoulslime · 03-08-2015, 05:19 PM

Quote:

midway wrote

He was initially called a "winebib" when he first started preaching, he even had a parable about old patches for old wineskins, as he came to repair the scriptures and was prophesied to come. But as his fame grew he became "holier than thou" just like John the Baptist. John was beheaded for criticizing a marriage. Jesus tried to clean up his own act by giving up wine and bread. This didn't sit well with Judas, who had come to appreciate the finer things in life. [they had rich women with them].

Judas was fond of giving it to Jesus in the back door. This was mistranslated from goat herder Aramaic into Latin. Judas wasn't a backstabber. He was an ass packer. Judas just liked tapping that bum. History gives him a bum rap.

In truth, Jesus received the love of Judas in the end.

ghoulslime · 03-20-2015, 02:32 AM

There is absolutely no evidence that Jesus was even a real person, let alone a divine incarnation, you fucking dumb-ass Christians!

ghoulslime · 03-21-2015, 08:12 PM

ghoulslime · 03-22-2015, 04:29 AM

Jesus was Caesar

Cal earns a post on the Incredible Edible Jesus thread. Say what you will, there seems to be a remarkable amount of evidence that the story of imaginary Jesus borrowed much from the legends of Caesar.

ghoulslime · 03-22-2015, 04:31 AM

Is is said that Jesus could swim in a saltwater pool, and leave it just a little bit saltier than when he first entered. Oh, the glory of our Lord!

ghoulslime · 03-30-2015, 06:25 AM

Will you love Jesus more
When we go our different ways
When this moment is a memory
Will you remember His face
Will you look back and realize
You sensed His love more than you did before
I'd pray for nothing less
Than for you to love Jesus more

I'd like to keep these memories
In frames of gold and silver
And reminisce a year from now
About the smiles we've shared
But above all else I hope you will come
To know the Father's love
When you see the Lord face to face

You'll hear Him say "well done"

I'd pray for nothing less
Than for you to love Jesus more

ghoulslime · 03-30-2015, 06:01 PM

Kinich Ahau · 03-30-2015, 06:34 PM

Surely Christian rock and rap are an atheist plot to turn people away from religion.

Smellyoldgit · 03-31-2015, 04:14 AM

That shite certainly turned me away from music ....

Sinfidel · 03-31-2015, 05:59 AM

Quote:

Smellyoldgit wrote

That shite certainly turned me away from music ....

If that wears off, just browse some Jerry Jeff Walker song titles....

http://www.oldies.com/artist-songs/J...ff-Walker.html