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Old 01-16-2008, 07:03 PM   #104
Philboid Studge
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Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Beastly Muck
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D'ear D'r. D'Souza:

At our previous correspondence, we were honoring you with our Shitlord of the Week prize, for conduct unbecoming a higher primate. Admit it: You didn't think it would get any better than that! Well think again, my ghost-believing friend because we are very proud to announce that you have won our second annual Shitlord of the Year Award.

Any gibbering idiot can become Shitlord of the Week (as you well know), but it takes a special kind of persistent moron -- a fellow resolutely, incessantly impervious to reason, to be recognized for a full year of unfettered god-blathering. In 2007, you are our undisputed champion.

Make no mistake, you were up against some worthy competition: magic underwear enthusiast Mitt Romney, dinosaur-denying Mike Huckabee, and lipo-enhanced dead Reverend 'Jabba' the Falwell were all among the top-shit candidates, or as we call them "floaters."

What set you apart from the competition was not merely the depths of your intellect, which appears to be bottomless, but the unabashed chutzpah with which you wield it, not unlike a Special Olympian brandishing his helmet in the big-boy pool.

It took guts to take on the likes Christopher Hitchens and Daniel Dennett in public. Only a brave man or a fool would have trotted out your vapid and jejune "arguments" for the existence of god before that pair of brainiacs, each of whom flushes more insight down the crapper every morning than the average theist will ever know -- and you're no fool!

And what else but sheer courage possessed you to link videos of those "debates" (we use the term guardedly) to your blog? A stroke of boldness, that, as it will lead people to conclude that you held your own against those heavyweights (so as long as they don't actually watch the videos). As for the online "polls" where your fans were invited to vote on the "winner" of your tête-a-têtes , that was genius. Bet it felt good to bask in the rosy glow of young Republican adoration too.

Certainly must have felt better than the debates themselves. Dennett treated you like a mildly retarded relative -- as if he had better things to do but didn't want to hurt your feelings. Hitchens was atrabilious and drunk, but that doesn't completely explain his expression of swallowing puke. Maybe he's not used to pummeling children.

In either case it was liking watching a bucket of santorum tossed into a fan. Look closely at the resultant splatter pattern on the wall and who knows?, you might find the face of Jesus. (Unlike the crackers by the same name, however, I wouldn't try eating it.)

And so, for your ongoing immunity to reason, the sheer gall with which you loudly proclaim arguments that would embarrass a teenager, and your inexplicable ability to talk smart people into being seen with you, we honor you, sir, as our Shitlord of the Year, 2007. Truly you have earned a place in our Stall of Fame.

All best,

Philboid Studge
The Raving Atheists

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